Funny adult quotes

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

I’m allergic to morning.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just dancing to the beat of my own drum.

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, I cry.

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.

I may be adulting, but I’m not doing it right.

I’m not old, I’m chronologically gifted.

I call it my to-do list because I already did everything on it.

I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.

I run on coffee, sarcasm, and inappropriate thoughts.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just an expert at finding furniture in the dark.

I’m so tired, my tired is tired.

I’m not a morning person. I’m barely an afternoon person.

I don’t need an inspirational quote. I need coffee.

I’m not lazy, I’m on power-saving mode.

I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.

I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks.

I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.

I don’t need a prince charming, I need a nap.

I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen us in the same room together?

I’m not addicted to chocolate, we’re just in a committed relationship.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

I’m not ignoring you, I’m just prioritizing my cat’s needs.

I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just testing gravity.

I’m not procrastinating, I’m doing side quests.

I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

I’m not lazy, I’m in energy-saving mode.

I don’t trip, I do random gravity checks.

I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.

I’m not a morning person. I’m barely an evening person.

I’m not aging, I’m marinating.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just an undercover ninja.

I don’t snore, I dream of music.

I’m not a millennial, I’m a timeless masterpiece.

I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I haven’t met anyone who can prove otherwise.

I’m not a hoarder, I just have a lot of sentimental junk.

I’m not a morning person. I’m a not-a-morning person.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just experiencing gravitational challenges.

I’m not batman, but have you ever seen me and him in the same room?

I’m not a morning person. I’m more of a brunch person.

I’m not a morning person, I’m a give-me-coffee person.

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.

I’m not in a bad mood, you’re just annoying.

I’m not a superhero, but I am super tired. Remember to use these quotes responsibly and consider the context before using them!