Funniest Quotes About Guys

Men are like parking spots. The good ones are always taken, and the rest are either too small or handicapped.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes.

Men are like horoscopes – they always tell you good things about yourself, but deep down you know it’s all a bunch of bull.

Men are like Bluetooth. When they’re close, they’re connected, but when they’re far away, they start looking for new devices.

Men are like snowstorms. You never know when they’re coming, how long they’ll last, or how many inches you’ll get.

Men are like computers. They’re hard to figure out, full of bugs, and you have to turn them off and on again to get anything to work.

Men are like parking tickets. They annoy you, they’re a hassle to deal with, and you can never seem to get rid of them.

Why do men make terrible fishermen? Because they expect too many fish to just jump into their boat.

Men are like coffee. The good ones are bitter, and the bad ones are full of sugar.

If men had to carry their wallets like they carry their emotions, the world would be a much safer place.

Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes and it’s your job to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something you want to have dinner with.

Men are like balloons. Too much air and they’ll pop, too little air and they’ll never take off.

Men are like weather forecasts. They’re always wrong, but we still listen to them anyway.

Why do men find it so hard to ask for directions? Because their ego won’t fit in the car.

Men are like pillows. They’re soft and comfortable, but after a while, they start to get flat and lumpy.

If men could read minds, they’d still be confused, because women change theirs every five seconds.

Men are like shopping carts. They’re easy to push around, but they’re always getting stuck in the aisles.

Why do men make terrible referees? Because they can never make a decision without consulting instant replay.

Men are like remote controls. They’re always just out of reach when you need them the most.

Men are like parking meters. They never have enough change and they always run out at the wrong time.

Why do men make terrible chefs? Because they can’t understand the recipe unless it has a picture.

Men are like dogs. They’re loyal, they can’t resist a good scratch, and they’re always stealing your shoes.

Men are like t-shirts. They’re nice when they’re new, but after a few washes, they start to lose their shape.

Why do men make terrible poets? Because they can never find a word that rhymes with ‘beer’.

Men are like bicycles. You have to keep pedaling to keep them upright, but if you stop, they’ll fall over.

Men are like puzzles. The more pieces you have, the better chance you have of finding the right fit.

Why do men make terrible painters? Because they can never stay within the lines.

Men are like alarm clocks. They’re loud, annoying, and they always go off at the wrong time.

Men are like nail polish. They look good for a little while, but eventually, they start to chip.

Why do men make terrible comedians? Because they always forget the punchline.

Men are like smartphones. They’re constantly in need of an upgrade, but they’re never satisfied with the one they have.

Men are like dirty dishes. They pile up quickly, and the longer you leave them, the harder they are to clean.

Why do men make terrible detectives? Because they can never find anything, even when it’s right in front of them.

Men are like microwave ovens. They’re fast, convenient, and they’ll never cook anything right.

Men are like selfies. They always look fake and over-edited.

Why do men make terrible surgeons? Because they can’t find the right incision without a GPS.

Men are like car tires. They’re essential for getting around, but if they’re flat, you’re going nowhere.

Men are like ice cream. They’re sweet and enjoyable, but if you leave them out too long, they start to melt.

Why do men make terrible dancers? Because they have two left feet and absolutely no rhythm.

Men are like remote-controlled cars. They’re fun to play with, but you can never control where they’re going.

Men are like weather vanes. They always point in whichever direction the wind is blowing.

Why do men make terrible sleepers? Because they’re always snoring and stealing the blankets.

Men are like passwords. They’re easy to forget, but impossible to live without.

Men are like rubber bands. They stretch and snap back, but eventually, they lose their elasticity.

Why do men make terrible hairstylists? Because they can’t use a brush without getting it stuck in their own hair.

Men are like bicycles. You have to keep pedaling to keep them from falling over.

Men are like remote controls. They keep changing the channels without ever finding something worth watching.

Why do men make terrible detectives? Because they can never find the clues, even if they’re right in front of them.

Men are like batteries. They’re useless until you give them a charge.

Men are like road maps. It’s best not to trust them, or you’ll end up getting lost.