Football Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

I always play better in my dreams than in real life. Maybe I should join a dream football league.

Relationship status: in a committed one with football.

I’m not a regular soccer mom, I’m a cool soccer mom.

Football is like life, you have to keep moving forward and not let the tackles bring you down.

If football was easy, it would be called knitting.

I don’t need therapy, I just need football.

I don’t run, I dribble.

In football, the only time you should be called a loser is if you’re the goalkeeper.

I may not have a six-pack, but I have a six-step Ronaldo free-kick routine.

I can’t keep calm, it’s football season!

Football is my second favorite F-word.

Football is the only place where it’s acceptable to kick someone in the shin and get praised for it.

I love football so much, I could Messi around all day.

Sorry, I can’t come to your party, there’s a football match on TV.

Life is too short for boring football games.

I’m not short, I’m just a pro at tackling low.

Soccer: the only place where sliding on the grass is socially acceptable.

If you can’t handle me at my worst football skills, you don’t deserve me at my best Ronaldo impersonation.

I may dribble in my sleep, but at least I scored in my dreams.

Football: the only place where being offside can ruin your day.

Football is not a matter of life and death, it’s much more important than that.

If life gives you lemons, kick them in a football match.

I don’t always score goals, but when I do, it’s always a game-winning bicycle kick.

I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy for the next football match.

Football: the best way to relieve stress and prove you have better ball control than your boss.

My goal in life is to have as many followers as Ronaldo has goals.

They say Messi is the GOAT, but have they seen my headbutt ability?

Football is the only sport where going out of bounds is an acceptable strategy.

Football is like dating, you have to commit if you want to score.

I may not always win, but I never skip the post-match pizza.

Football is like a math equation: you win by subtracting the opponent’s goals and adding your own.

I’m not a professional football player, but I can give you hands-on experience with goal celebrations.

If at first you don’t succeed, blame the ref and try again.

Football is the only game where you can be an average Joe and still Messi around.

Yes, I’m a football fanatic, but I can still kick your butt in FIFA.

I don’t need luck, I have Messi on my team.

Football: the only sport where it’s okay to fake an injury and still get a standing ovation.

I may not be the fastest player, but I can outrun your expectations.

Football is like a box of chocolates, you never know when you’ll get a nutmeg.

I have a strict no handball policy, unless it’s for a high-five after scoring a goal.

Football is my drug, and watching matches is my fix.

The only reason I do cardio is to run onto the field faster during a football match.

I may not be a football coach, but I’ll be the one screaming the loudest from the stands.

Football: the only place where you can get away with stealing someone’s shorts.

I may not have the best footwork, but I have enough agility to avoid all responsibility on a lazy Sunday.

Football is like a dance, except the music is the crowd’s chants and the dance moves are tackles.

Before you judge me, make sure you can score a penalty kick under pressure.

I don’t always watch football, but when I do, I make sure to yell at the TV like a coach.

I’m not addicted to football, but I am in a committed long-term relationship with it.

Football: the game that brings people together, until the referee makes a bad call.