Fleabag quotes – A hilarious collection of Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s best lines

I’m not obsessed with sex. I just can’t stop thinking about it.

Hair is everything. We wish it wasn’t so we could actually think about something else occasionally, but it is. It’s the difference between a good day and a bad day.

It’s difficult to talk to people when you’re in love. I can’t smile.

Love is awful. It’s awful. It’s painful. It’s frightening. It makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself, distance yourself from the other people in your life.

I’m not good at sensible and I can’t be good at sexy, so I’m done with both.

I look at my life and I think, ‘Do you know what? I wouldn’t change it for the world!’

People are unpredictable and complicated creatures.

I have a horrible feeling that I’m a greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical, depraved, morally bankrupt woman.

I think you have to have an overactive imagination to try and escape your own skin.

It’s hard to be a feminist and live for men.

I’m going to make mistakes, but I’m happy to know that I’ll always be able to survive them.

Sometimes I just feel so human, so human it’s exhausting.

There’s healthy fear and unhealthy fear. Healthy fear is having a shit in a public bathroom. Unhealthy fear is being alone forever because you chased everyone away.

Seasons change and so does my hair.

Don’t blame me, love. Blame your innate dishonesty.

Stuck is a state of mind. It’s every fight you’re going to have. It’s being paralyzed by the choices you never made, and it’s the certainty you could’ve done better, if you’d only had the chance.

I can’t stand up and fight for something for us if I’m standing alone.

You know when you get home and you think, ‘Wow, no one’s tried to have sex with me in ages!’

Oh, women just love worrying about their weight, don’t they? It’s just our hobby! It’s our guiltiest pleasure!

I’ve seen men die, I’ve seen men die in front of other men and I’ve seen people die in front of me and I’ve seen people lose people that they love.

What the fuck do you know about love? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. How dare you? How dare you! It’s just like the worst thing anyone’s ever said to me. Do you know that? I look at people and I see nothing worth liking.

Sleep is the opposite of being awake.

You know when you just want to cry and you can’t? I feel like that all the time.

People are all we’ve got.

Men are born with all the confidence in the world, and women just have to find it for themselves.

This is a love story. Just not the one you think.

I lie all the time. No, not really. I actually lie very rarely.

I spend a lot of time trying to make everyone else happy, and I never ask myself if I’m happy.

What I don’t have in my house are lights! We live like moles.

You should get a gold statue of yourself made and then beat it until it’s either gone or it doesn’t hurt you anymore.

You don’t need to worry about a haircut. Just shave your head and get a tattoo that says, ‘I meant to do this.’

You know that feeling? When you’re so scared of what will happen if you let someone see who you really are, that you keep pushing them away until they’re gone?

It’s amazing how potent cheap music is.

There are people who do things and people who talk about doing things.

Some people are addicted to being liked. Others are born with an indifference to being liked. They’re called men.

You know how sometimes you accidentally say something lovely when someone calls at 2 a.m. and you can’t sleep?

Do you encourage his behavior? Yes. But only because it’s manipulative, and men like that.

The thing about hair is missing how it smells.

If you want a hipster, tie a lemon to a toad and push it down a hill.

Women are born with pain built in. It’s our physical destiny.

My entire therapeutic relationship summed up in a coffee order.

Trumpets sound, applause rings out, it’s fantastic. Until it isn’t. Because it isn’t.

If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.

How can we be sacred, cherished, when we barely exist?

Nobody wants to hear you’re lonely.

No one’s worth that humiliation, surely.

I can’t help but think that if none of us cared about what anyone else did, the world would be different.

I just want to cry all the time, but because I’m so happy.

I’m not obsessed with dogs. I just think they’re the most amazing things and they should be everywhere.

You know, a rational person would walk away.