Drunk quotes

I don’t have a drinking problem. I have a staying sober problem.

I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by life.

I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday, and when it’s not.

Trust me, you can dance. – Vodka

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.

Sometimes life calls for a little liquid courage.

I’m not addicted to alcohol, I’m addicted to escaping reality.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. – Winston Churchill

I drink to make other people interesting.

I may not be perfect, but at least I’m drunk.

The only exercise I do is running out of money.

I may not remember last night, but I’m pretty sure it was awesome.

I’m not drunk, I’m just more fun than you.

Life is too short to drink bad wine.

Drink responsibly, don’t spill it.

I don’t get drunk, I get awesome.

I’m not drunk, I’m just fluent in reverse.

Alcohol: because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.

I may be drunk, but at least I’m having fun.

Pouring alcohol into my body is like pouring happiness into my soul.

I’m not drunk, I’m just well-hydrated.

Alcohol: because no good story starts with someone eating oatmeal.

Warning: drinking alcohol may cause memory loss, or even worse, memory loss.

Alcohol doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean. Against walls, chairs, and random people.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a professional drinker.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. – Benjamin Franklin

Drinking is like borrowing happiness from tomorrow.

I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a drinking solution.

I’m not drunk, I’m just enjoying the gravitational pull of the Earth.

I’m not drunk, I’m just practicing my dance moves.

Sometimes the best part of my day is the part where I pour myself a glass of wine.

I might not remember all the details, but I’ll never forget how much fun I had.

Alcohol is the answer. What was the question again?

I’m not drunk, I’m just fostering a deep emotional connection with my inner self.

I don’t need an inspirational quote, I just need another shot.

I’m not drunk, I’m just embracing my inner pirate.

Alcohol: because no great story ever started with someone eating kale.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. – Benjamin Franklin

I like to think of myself as a beer connoisseur.

Life may be full of lemons, but I prefer my lemonade spiked.

I’m not drunk, I’m just expressing my inner unicorn.

Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither will milk.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a wine enthusiast.

I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by the thought of winning.

Alcohol: because no good story ever started with someone eating broccoli.

I’m not drunk, I’m just embracing the chaos.

In wine there is truth, in beer there is strength, in tequila there is regret.

I’m not drunk, I’m just floating on a cloud of awesomeness.

Alcohol: because no great story ever started with someone drinking water.

I’m not drunk, I’m just exploring the boundary between reality and imagination.