Discover the Wisdom: Best Quotes from Statler and Waldorf

You know, she was great. For a while I thought she was dead and then I realized… she was acting. – Statler

After all these years, the show finally has something really terrible on it… the audience! – Waldorf

Do I think the show was lousy? Yeah, that’s one word for it! – Statler

That was wonderful! Bravo! Waldorf I loved that! Statler Well, that’s one of us. Waldorf

Wake up, you old fool. You slept through the show. – Waldorf Who’s a fool? You watched it. – Statler

You old fool, can’t you read? The sign says, ‘Applause.’ – Waldorf Oh sure, I know what it says. What does it mean? – Statler

The question is, what is a Mahna Mahna? – Statler The question is, who cares? – Waldorf

This show has absolutely no religious significance… Unless you worship garbage. – Waldorf

If they were any lousier, the show could sue them for copyright infringement! – Statler

What finally gave the Titanic its greatest international publicity was the movie about it. Maybe we should sink this show in the North Atlantic! – Waldorf

We’re here to heckle The Muppet Show.

He sold it for a song and they charged him double.

You know the old saying, ‘Money won’t make you happy’? Well, it sure wouldn’t hurt!

That show was terrible! Yeah, it was absolutely the worst! You know what the worst thing about it was? It was good!

I wonder if anyone ever thought of broadcasting this show from a satellite… Very far away.

What is this? Are we here to be entertained, or not? I decided not.

What’s the difference between us and the Titanic? The Titanic had a band.

That’s exactly how I feel about this show ? like a glutton. I just can’t stop punishing myself.

There will be no encore, just like our applause!

Just when you think this show is terrible something wonderful happens. What? It ends.

I?ve seen detergents that leave a better film than this.

Do you believe in life after death? Every time I leave this theater, I do.

We’re too old for this nonsense!

That wasn’t half bad… It was all bad!

It?s amazing that something so bad could actually be produced.

A show that was painful to watch, but impossible to ignore.

It’s either this show or indigestion. I hope it?s indigestion. It?ll get better quicker.

We’ve laughed and we’ve cried… Mostly cried.

They say the best criticism comes from the heart. That’s why we feel this show stinks!

When you?re as old as we are, every show could be our last… Here?s hoping.

Wake me when the show starts.

If we had only got here sooner, we could have left before it started!

I’ve seen detergents that leave a better film than this.

Very few of us are born great. Some achieve greatness. And some have greatness thrust upon them. Some of us just don’t care.

We are here to heckle The Muppet Show.

They don’t make them like they used to…they never did!

If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs, if we had eggs.

Talk fast, I’m trying to sleep!

You can’t really dust for vomit.

No doubt about it, a lot of hard work went into this show. It’s the hard work of watching it I object to.

Another opening of another show.

You old fool! You slept through the show.

He?s a great singer…I just wish he?d stop singing.

Drama is life with all the dull bits cut out. No wonder this show is so long.

?What’s more amazing: a talking dog or a dog that can tell jokes??

No one is totally useless. They can always serve as a bad example.

It was pretty close to being good. But close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

We’ll catch you on the flip-flop! Be there or be square!

If we were meant to fly, we wouldn’t keep losing our luggage.

They say that love makes the world go round. But I think it’s just a cheap motor in a merry-go-round.