Creed Bratton Quotes – Wisdom and Wit from The Office

I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the 60s I made love to many women. Often outdoors.

Business is like a jungle, and I’m like a tiger on steroids.

The key to success is to eliminate all your competition… by any means necessary.

I’m not a war criminal. I’m a criminal, war.

Whenever I’m about to do something, I ask myself, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.

I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.

Some people say I’m crazy. But I’m just a fan of the show, ‘The Office.’

I don’t need a therapist. I have the voices in my head to keep me company.

When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate.

I’m like a fine wine. The older I get, the more I appreciate cheese.

The best way to predict your future is to create it, or just make stuff up as you go along.

I once saw a UFO, but it turned out to be a Frisbee. Disappointing.

Everyone wants to be successful, but no one wants to do the dishes.

In a world full of copycats, be a dancing unicorn.

Life is too short to wear boring socks.

Don’t follow your dreams. Chase them down and tackle them to the ground.

I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I make up for it in enthusiasm.

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

I don’t have a bucket list. I have a f*cket list.

If life gives you lemons, throw them at someone else and make them make lemonade.

When life knocks you down, do a victory dance.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy saving mode.

Life is like a rollercoaster, and I’m the one sitting in the front seat, hands in the air.

The key to happiness is to surround yourself with people who don’t make you question your sanity.

You can’t make everyone happy, but you can make yourself happy by not caring about making everyone happy.

I believe in karma, but I also believe in revenge.

Success is not measured by how many followers you have, but by how many chocolate chip cookies you can eat in one sitting.

They say laughter is the best medicine, but I think chocolate is better.

I’m not afraid of death. I’m afraid of running out of chocolate.

Life is like a box of chocolates, but I prefer the dark ones.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party.

Don’t worry about what other people think. They don’t do it very often.

I don’t always make sense, but when I do, it’s always entertaining.

I may not be the life of the party, but I’m definitely the afterlife of the party.

The secret to a happy life is to find your own version of craziness and embrace it.

I don’t need luck. Luck needs me.

I don’t follow trends. I create my own.

I’m not a control freak. I just like things to be done my way.

Life is like a rollercoaster. Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down, but it’s always a wild ride.

I don’t need a map. I navigate through life using my gut instincts.

I may not be the smartest person in the room, but I’m definitely the funniest.

I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in the power of fateful accidents.

I don’t have a bucket list. I have a ‘screw it’ list.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. If you’re not making mistakes, you’re probably not living.

I don’t do things by halves. I do things by the whole damn bottle.

Life is too short to waste on boring people.

Sometimes the best part of my day is the part where I’m not dealing with other people.

I don’t always have a plan, but I always have a backup plan to the backup plan.

I’m not a quitter. I’m a disrupter of the status quo.

Life is too short to be normal. Embrace your inner weirdo and let it shine.