Cave Johnson Quotes

When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager!

I’m Cave Johnson, we’re done here.

Science isn’t about why, it’s about why not!

Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons!

We’ve had to develop some super dangerous stuff, but at least we’re alive.

Alright, we’re gonna start testing these portals, and we’re gonna see how we like it when the results come in. That’s a healthy attitude.

If at first you don’t succeed, explode some more!

You think you’re doing some damage? Two plus two is ten! IN BASE FOUR! I’M FINE!

Alright, I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

Good news: the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of 44.6 years, so if you’re thirty or older, you’re laughing!

Alright, I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

We’re eeking out science by the teaspoon here, and we don’t have a teaspoon.

You don’t need legs to run a testing facility! And I’ll prove it to you!

These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. They’re not as strong as the regular bridges, but they’re not as expensive either. Why don’t I just use regular bridges? Because those are observation rooms, and they’re more expensive.

Johnson, get a soda machine in here. STAT!

If you’re allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next experiment is probably going to kill you.

That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline. She is a vital part of the Implantation Process. We are not replacing her.

We’ve got a great price on air-conditioning here.

We’ve been running the harder, faster, and deeper tests we talked about. You know, the ones that aren’t supposed to be possible? Turns out, they’re not.

If you love knowledge as much as I do, we might be related.

Alright, I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

We’re blind cave fish, all right? Deal with it.

Science isn’t about why. It’s about why not!

I’m Cave Johnson, and I approve this message.

Alright, I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

We’re gonna have so much science to do, and you’re gonna be part of it.

We need a lot more test subjects before we even think about that. I just can’t justify it.

We’ve developed a new kind of test today – it involves Johnson.

I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.

We’ve had a productive night. Someone shut off the damn moon!

That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline. She is a vital part of the Implantation Process. We are not replacing her.

You may not have noticed but I’m pretty dangerous.

I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.

Aperture Science, we do what we must because we can. For the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead.

If we can store music on a compact disc, why can’t we store a man’s intelligence and personality on one?

Now, you already met one another on the last test, soooo… we’re gonna have to murder you.

Good news: I figured out what that thing that you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.

The birth parents who are trying to reach do not love you.

We’ve done the impossible, and that makes us mighty.

No! Wait! Come back! I WAS GOING TO LEARN PNEUMATICS!

When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons!

I’m not a scientist, but I know how to run a company.

If you’re not sweating, we are wasting taxpayer money.

Johnson, our lunar poison is selling like hotcakes. And I’ve got hotcakes.

That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline. She is a vital part of the Implantation Process. We are not replacing her.

Science isn’t about why, it’s about why not?

So, since there’s not an army of you, I’m going to have to go with plan B. I’m going to use one of these. (Shows handgun)

That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline. She is a vital part of the Implantation Process. We are not replacing her.

Alright, I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

So now I have a few ten thousand pounds of moon rock to sell, and I thought to myself: ‘Cave, why not make it into a shower curtain?’