Calvin and Hobbes Quotes: A Collection of Wisdom and Humor

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. – Calvin

I’m a 6 year old boy, what’s your excuse? – Calvin

Reality continues to ruin my life. – Hobbes

I’m significant! Screamed the dust speck. – Calvin

The world bores you when you’re cool. – Calvin

Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous? – Calvin

Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words. – Calvin

I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information. – Calvin

As far as I’m concerned, if something is so complicated that you can’t explain it in 10 seconds, then it’s probably not worth knowing anyway. – Calvin

The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present. – Hobbes

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you’re just a reflection of him? – Calvin

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations. – Calvin

It’s not denial. I’m just very selective about the reality I accept. – Calvin

Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. – Calvin

I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information. – Calvin

There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want. – Calvin

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do. – Calvin

It’s a magical world, Hobbes, ol’ buddy… Let’s go exploring! – Calvin

We don’t have to visit museums anymore. All the culture we ever need is in these forms of entertainment. – Calvin

God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die. – Calvin

People always make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world. – Calvin

I’m a misunderstood genius. – Calvin

You know, sometimes kids don’t do what their parents want them to do right away. – Calvin

Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine, and valleys of frustration and failure. – Calvin

I’m not going to school just for the academics. I wanted to learn to socialize. – Calvin

There’s no problem so awful that you can’t add some guilt to it and make it even worse. – Calvin

I try to make everyone’s day a little more surreal. – Calvin

You don’t have to take a bath if you can’t spell ‘soap.’ – Hobbes

Looks like a fracture to the humorous. – Calvin

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around. – Calvin

If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are? – Calvin

I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information. – Calvin

The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive. – Calvin

Why do they call it ‘common sense’ when it’s so rare? – Calvin

I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information. – Calvin

You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help. – Calvin

There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want. – Calvin

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. – Calvin

Things are never quite as scary when you have a best friend. – Calvin

I don’t know which is worse, life passing you by, or being the driver. – Calvin

Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. – Calvin

It’s a lot easier to be convincing when you’re not telling the truth. – Calvin

I tell ya, if you just work long enough and hard enough, you can eventually make somebody else miserable! – Hobbes

The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life. – Calvin

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer. – Calvin

As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance. – Calvin

I think night time is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction. – Calvin

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I’ll bet they’d live a lot differently. – Hobbes

I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information. – Calvin

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. – Calvin