Bill Maher Quotes

I enjoy people who have strong opinions and aren’t afraid to share them.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings, who don’t have all the answers, to think they do.

The IRS says tax cheating is at an all-time low, which sounds like something a tax cheat came up with.

If we’re going to get anything done in this country, we have to start talking to each other, not at each other.

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children’s minds?

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

I’m fascinated with the idea of culture evolving, and I’m always interested in how people respond to changing times.

If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

White people: Nobody’s asking you to apologize for being white. They’re asking you not to be assholes.

In the more religious states, sex education is worse. Teenage pregnancy rates are higher.

If you’re religious, you’re certainly free to be an ignorant moron. But don’t tell an educated person that somebody’s going to guide their hand.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The GOP: protecting unborn children and the death penalty – congratulations, you’re officially a ‘solve-your-own-problems’ party!

The problem isn’t that Johnny can’t read. The problem isn’t even that Johnny can’t think. The problem is that Johnny doesn’t know what thinking is; he confuses it with feeling.

Creationism is a belief system that cannot stand up to scientific scrutiny.

If you’re a human being living in the modern world and you’re not resonating with the things you see, well then brother, you’re a dog.

I don’t hate America. I love America. I just hate the way they run it.

Don’t go to the Republican Party looking for common sense or decency. That’s the wrong location.

I don’t want politics to be a show business for ugly people.

The Clintons are the ultimate survivors.

The Pope is a celebrated figure who opens the U.N., who speaks before Congress.

I love America, just not necessarily Americans.

You can believe it’s the word of God, but it’s still literal nonsense.

Nothing lost by praising a few world-class primates.

It’s funny because you’ve never actually been to the state of Alabama.

You know why Bush’s poll numbers are dropping? Because he said we won the war.

Evolution is a fact, as evidenced by the incredibly slow pace of ‘American Idol.’

The word ‘diva’ used to be the same as ‘bitch.’ Now it means a female performer who stands up for her talent.

The irony of religion is that because of its power to divert man to destructive courses, the world could actually come to an end.

There’s no one who speaks the truth anymore.

I have never seen anything more disgusting and disgraceful and vicious as the politics these days.

Lurking behind that boyish smile, we know there’s a killer.

I think the majority of the American people don’t trust Edward Snowden.

Nobody is more dangerous to democracy than somebody who doesn’t have a fucking clue what’s going on.

I’m showing up just to see what does happen.

I don’t believe it’s important to say it every day, but there are a lot of things I find offensive, including my Mormon neighbor’s belief that the Garden of Eden was in Missouri.

I don’t understand why paternity tests even matter anymore. We live in an age where you can mail your saliva to a stranger and find out if you’re part Viking.

The right doesn’t have facts on its side – or morality.

I’m for economic fairness and social justice, but I also think capitalism has been great for some stuff.

If Jesus were alive today, his favorite show would be ‘The Real Housewives.’

What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one.

Facts have a liberal bias.

I’m fine with marijuana being legal as long as we also require IQ tests for users.

We have a political system that rewards being a jerk and punishes honesty, and we elected the biggest jerk.

I’m not much of a believer in angels. But I do have a devil’s advocate.

We don’t need one America. We need two. It works fine in Connecticut. Let the Dark Place have Texas.

Only in America could politicians talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000 a plate campaign fundraising event.