Quotes

Best Phil Dunphy Quotes

Life is a series of awkward moments, so embrace them and laugh along the way.

If you can’t laugh at yourself, then why should anyone else?

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Marriage is like a marathon, except you’re running in opposite directions and you’re both wearing blindfolds.

A wise man once said, ‘Family is just an annoyingly long word for love.’

When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all like ‘Whaaat?’

The best way to say goodbye to your problems is to throw them off a rooftop.

Sometimes you have to stop thinking and start doing. That’s what I tell myself before I eat a whole box of donuts.

Life is like a hot dog. You can enjoy it with mustard, relish, or even ketchup. But just please don’t put pineapple on it.

If you can’t be a superhero, at least be the superest of the ordinary.

The key to a successful relationship is to have low expectations and even lower standards.

Did you know that the word ‘bed’ actually looks like a bed? Mind blown!

I believe that children are the future, but I also believe they should pay the bills.

The only thing worse than being reborn as a mosquito is getting reincarnated as a mosquito repellent.

The secret to a happy life is three simple words: bacon, bacon, and more bacon.

I have two speeds: ‘graceful gazelle’ and ‘I’m gonna fall down the stairs.’

Sure, I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but at least I’m in the shed!

If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.

Did you know that dolphins are just sharks who took a yoga class?

Always remember: you don’t get what you want in life, you get what you make fun of.

It’s amazing how much joy you can find in the little things, like accidentally hitting all the green lights on your way to work.

The secret to a happy marriage is to never tell your spouse the actual price of the things you buy.

I may not be a genius, but at least I’m not a plankton.

Remember, the only failure in life is not trying. And possibly getting eaten by a bear.

If you want to be a champion, you have to eat like a champion. So pass me that pizza, champ!

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when it’s gonna melt all over your hands.

If people were meant to pop out of bed, there wouldn’t be snooze buttons.

I don’t always make sense, but when I do, it’s usually by accident.

Out of all the things I learned in school, the most important one was how to avoid being caught sleeping in class.

Ninety-nine percent of great ideas start with a simple question: ‘What would happen if…?’

The best part about being an adult is that no one can tell you it’s time to go to bed. Unless they’re your spouse.

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve proven my wife wrong, I would have… zero dollars.

I may not have it all together, but at least I have a great collection of dad jokes.

The best way to bond with your kids is to embarrass them in public. It’s a proven fact.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being a dad, it’s that kids have an uncanny ability to destroy your stuff.

Life is a lot like a game of chess, except the pieces are actually snacks and the board is a plate.

The secret to being a great dad is to never let your kids see you struggle to put together IKEA furniture.

When life gives you lemons, make a lemon cannon and see how far you can shoot them.

You know you’re a dad when your phone is full of pictures of your kids, and zero pictures of you actually doing something cool.

Nobody likes a know-it-all, except for the people who don’t know anything and need someone to tell them everything.

I don’t need a therapist, I have an iPhone with a dictionary app.

The key to a happy marriage is a well-stocked snack cabinet. Trust me on this one.

Why clean when you can just cover everything with more stuff?

If life is a journey, then I’m the guy who takes a wrong turn because he saw a billboard for free samples.

I may not be aging gracefully, but at least I’m aging with a great sense of humor.

Never underestimate the power of a perfectly timed eyeroll and a sarcastic comment.

If you can’t find the bright side of life, just turn on the lights.

When life gets tough, dance like nobody’s watching. Unless you’re at a wedding, then please keep your dancing to a minimum.

I may not have all the answers, but I do have a question about everything.

Life is too short to take yourself seriously. So go ahead, wear that silly hat and dance like nobody’s watching.


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