Best Office Quotes

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – Michael Scott

Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way. – Michael Scott

I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out. – Kelly Kapoor

I’m not sure if I was country strong or not, but I was certainly drunk strong. – Michael Scott

Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way, like an improv conversation. An improversation. – Michael Scott

If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice. – Michael Scott

I’m not usually one for speeches. So, goodbye. – Michael Scott

I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. – Michael Scott

I am Beyonce, always. – Michael Scott

I hate, hate being left out… whether it’s not being picked for a team… or being picked for a team and then showing up and realizing the team doesn’t exist. Or that the sport doesn’t exist! I should’ve known: ‘Poop ball?!’ – Michael Scott

I understand nothing. – Michael Scott

I am running away from my responsibilities, and it feels good. – Michael Scott

I have this little guy. He’s always saying crazy stuff like that. Do I believe what he’s saying? Yes. Right here in my heart. – Creed Bratton

I like to go in there just to take a break from my office, you know? I mean, I go in there for seven hours a day, and that’s to get away from it. – Creed Bratton

I can’t do this, Jim. I signed a one-year lease on my apartment and under British law, I have squatter’s rights. So. Good luck, paying me back! – Creed Bratton

Identity theft is not a joke, Jim. Millions of families suffer every year! – Dwight Schrute

I never smile if I can help it. Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life. – Dwight Schrute

Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so actually Jim is my enemy. – Dwight Schrute

Once I’m officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified. – Dwight Schrute

You couldn’t handle my undivided attention. – Dwight Schrute

Somebody has a case of the Mondays. – Stanley Hudson

Did I stutter? – Stanley Hudson

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – Michael Scott

The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and then they would come down and they would suck the soul out of your body. And it hurt! – Michael Scott

I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working. – Jim Halpert

I am dead inside. – Angela Martin

I’m not a temp. I’m the director of regional sales. – Ryan Howard

I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the 60s I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain…and it’s possible that a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing. – Creed Bratton

I have very little patience for stupidity. – Kevin Malone

Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. – Michael Scott

If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I had ever been here. And I’d forget too. – Ryan Howard

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – Michael Scott

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. – Wayne Gretzky – Michael Scott

The early worm gets the worm! – Gavin

I work too hard and I care too much. And sometimes I can be too invested in my job. – Jim Halpert

I am going to do the right thing. I’m gonna wait for her to be happy. – Jim Halpert

Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so actually Jim is my enemy. But- – Dwight Schrute

I am dead inside. – Angela Martin

I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog. – Dwight Schrute

Sometimes I just don’t get Roy. I don’t get how anyone could have a huge opportunity in front of them and just not take it. – Pam Beesly

I am not a hero. I’m a high-functioning sociopath. – Jim Halpert

When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are gonna be right about that. – Michael Scott

I’m a mid-level paper salesman with a penchant for revenge. – Andy Bernard

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. – Jim Halpert

Dwight, you ignorant slut! – Jim Halpert

I am a black belt in gift wrapping. – Kelly Kapoor

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – Michael Scott

I am running away from my responsibilities, and it feels good. – Michael Scott

At the end of the day, life is about love and relationships and that’s what we should all aspire to have. – Jim Halpert

Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss who’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing. – Michael Scott