Alf quotes
Life’s a bit like a book. Sometimes the pages are full of adventure, and sometimes they’re just plain boring.
You know you’re getting old when you start using words like ‘whippersnapper’.
If you can’t find joy in the little things, then you’re not looking hard enough.
I may not be the smartest cookie in the jar, but at least I’m delicious!
If life gives you lemons, squeeze them in someone’s eye.
Strangers are just friends waiting to happen. Or maybe enemies, who knows.
The secret to happiness? A good cup of coffee and a cozy spot to relax.
Don’t take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.
If love is blind, then I must be the blindest person on the planet.
Some days, even my lucky underwear doesn’t work.
I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy saving mode.
If Monday were a person, I’d punch them in the face.
What’s the point of having cake if you can’t eat it?
If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest person alive.
To me, exercise is walking from the couch to the fridge.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
I’m not stubborn, my way is just better.
I believe in luck. How else do you explain getting out of bed in the morning?
Be yourself. Unless you can be a pirate. Then always be a pirate.
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get, but you hope it’s not toothpaste flavored.
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.
The early bird can have the worm. I’ll take the extra hour of sleep.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
A day without laughter is like a day without sunshine. And who wants to live in darkness?
If you can’t be a good example, then at least be a cautionary tale.
Life’s too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me and I’ll laugh at you.
I don’t have a short attention span, I just… oh look, a squirrel!
It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. And if the journey involves cake, even better.
Don’t worry, be happy. Unless you’re short on coffee, then worry.
The best way to predict your future is to create it.
I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not fake.
Life is like a roller coaster. Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down, and sometimes you just want to throw up.
Smile! It confuses people and makes them wonder what you’re up to.
Some people think I’m crazy. I prefer the term ‘mentally hilarious’.
If common sense was a superpower, I would be invincible.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
Happiness is not a destination, it’s a way of life.
If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade… and then find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party.
Don’t wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Age is just a number. In my case, a really high one.
Life is too short to spend it at war with yourself.
Do what you love and you’ll never have a problem with Monday.
If there’s a will, there’s a way. And if there’s no will, there’s always a reason to nap.
Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.
Life is like photography. You develop from the negatives.
There are three types of people: those who can count, and those who can’t.
I don’t have a bucket list, but I do have a ‘fuck it’ list.
Don’t be a copy, be an original.
Remember, you’re never too old to learn something stupid.