Quotes

About me funny quotes

My life is like a comedy show, but with less laughter and more awkward moments.

I may not be perfect, but at least I’m entertaining.

I’m a walking contradiction: a clumsy ninja.

If sarcasm was a sport, I’d be a gold medalist.

One day I’ll conquer the world, but first I need a nap.

I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me… for a good laugh.

The secret to my success is mediocre talent and exceptional laziness.

I’m like a magnet for embarrassing situations, they just can’t resist sticking to me.

My hobbies include napping, procrastinating, and avoiding responsibility.

If life gives you lemons, trade them for chocolate. Trust me, it’s a better deal.

Life is too short to wear boring socks.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy saving mode.

I’m not a morning person, but I’m also not an afternoon or evening person. I’m more of a 3 a.m. person.

My dance moves can best be described as a combination of a squirrel on caffeine and a penguin on ice.

I may not be smart, but I can make an empty room awkward in seconds.

Sorry, I can’t adult today. Maybe tomorrow. Or next year.

If being sarcastic was a job, I’d be a billionaire.

I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.

I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me.

I pretend to work hard, but in reality, I’m just really good at looking busy.

I’m not a morning person, or an afternoon person, or an evening person. I’m more of a 12 a.m. person.

I may not be a superhero, but I can trip over absolutely nothing.

I’m not disorganized, I just prefer to live in organized chaos.

My cooking skills are so bad, even the smoke alarm cheers me on.

My sense of direction is so bad, my GPS just gave up on me.

If my life was a sitcom, it would be called The Chronicles of Awkwardness.

I may not have it all together, but at least my hair looks fabulous.

I’m like a human Whac-A-Mole game, always popping up in unexpected places.

I’m not a klutz, I’m just an undercover acrobat.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I may not be a morning person, but I’m not really an anything person either.

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.

I have a black belt in sarcasm and a white belt in actually being serious.

I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I make up for it with enthusiasm.

I have a PhD in overthinking and a masters in procrastination.

I’m not clumsy, I just have a unique way of navigating the world.

My idea of a perfect day is one where I don’t have to use my adulting skills.

I’m not a drama queen, I’m just really passionate… about Netflix.

I’m not weird, I’m just a limited edition.

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then too bad because my worst is pretty much all the time.

I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop making stupid decisions.

I may not be graceful, but I can trip over my own feet like a pro.

I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.

I’m not a morning person, but I am a midnight snack enthusiast.

I’m like a Rubik’s cube – confusing and takes forever to figure out.

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions, I do just fine on my own.

I’m not a snack, I’m a whole buffet.

I may not be a superhero, but I can parallel park like one.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just practicing my acrobatic skills.

I don’t fail, I just find creative ways to not succeed.


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