Quotes

30 Rock Quotes

I want to go to there. – Liz Lemon

I’m as mad as a dragon in a gay club. – Tracy Jordan

Never go with a hippie to a second location. – Jack Donaghy

I’m not a princess. I’m a Khaleesi. – Liz Lemon

Steal first base, because everyone remembers who went second. – Liz Lemon

I’ve become the thing I hate. I’m a tennis-playing, liberal-arts-grad, multilingual Internet millionaire with a thirst for blondes. – Jack Donaghy

I’m a star. I’m on top. Somebody bring me some ham. – Tracy Jordan

Every woman in this room is funny and every man in this room is disgusting. – Liz Lemon

Are you trying to trick me into having a three-way with the both of you? Because I have to tell you, that’s an intriguing proposition. – Jack Donaghy

I want to be on the cover of a magazine where nobody says anything. – Tracy Jordan

I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor said if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles will spasm and eject my eyeballs. – Liz Lemon

There are no bad ideas, Lemon. Only great ideas that go horribly wrong. – Jack Donaghy

I was going to take my kids to Disneyland, but instead I’m here. Watching a human being regenerate. – Tracy Jordan

You’ll never solve your problems if you live in Canada. – Jack Donaghy

I’m not going to stop drinking coffee. I would if I could. I would give anything to be able to stop drinking coffee. – Liz Lemon

I’m the head of television. What am I supposed to do, work? – Jack Donaghy

So, if I live to be a hundred, I’ll never be able to make myself eggs. – Tracy Jordan

I’m going to go now and watch an English people try and enjoy Thanksgiving. Which, now that I say it out loud, makes it sound like a sex thing. – Liz Lemon

I’m not a person who says ‘eep!’ But ‘eep!’ – Jack Donaghy

It’s after six. What am I, a farmer? – Liz Lemon

None of my boyfriends believe that I’m actually into sports. But what they don’t know is, I actually love sports. Especially tennis. – Liz Lemon

I avoid recreational drugs because when God made me he gave me a pretty nice chemical enhancer already: my mind. – Jack Donaghy

I’m going to paraphrase Thoreau here… rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness… give me truth. – Liz Lemon

The only thing I love more than losing myself in a good book is finding myself in one. – Jack Donaghy

Lemon, that’s ridiculous. How could I not love you? You’re my dearest friend. – Liz Lemon

I have some ideas for you, Lemon. I have a lot of ideas. – Jack Donaghy

There’s nothing like a big salad to get all the vitamins and minerals that I can’t find in food. – Tracy Jordan

My hair is my thing. It’s my look, my image. It’s… you know, like my one thing. – Liz Lemon

Happy Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is a sham created by card companies to reinforce and exploit gender stereotypes. – Jack Donaghy

I will not apologize for art, Martha. I once saw Sixteen Candles with Shelley Duvall, and I did not walk out. – Liz Lemon

There’s only one thing I hate more than lying—skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk. – Ron Swanson

Who is Tracy Jordan? I am a Jedi, a vampire, a superhero with an invisible jet. – Tracy Jordan

I am the Lizard King. I am also an expert in Japanese hole warfare. – Jenna Maroney

Live every week like it’s shark week. – Tracy Jordan

You can’t keep Julie Andrews waiting. She’ll haunt your dreams. – Liz Lemon

There’s a reason God gave us two ears and only one mouth: listening is twice as important as talking. – Jack Donaghy

I’m like an elephant, Liz. If I walk through a farmer’s market, I have to buy a bag of peanuts. – Tracy Jordan

If I wanted to see a dude in blackface, I’d arrest the Governor of Virginia. – Liz Lemon

I know a lot about guys, and I can tell you that they’re only as faithful as their options. – Jenna Maroney

There’s no problem that cannot be solved with a sandwich. – Jack Donaghy

I don’t throw things away. I keep everything like a Jewish American Princess hoarder. – Liz Lemon

I don’t read. The last book I read was ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ in the 9th grade, and I didn’t like it because I thought Atticus Finch was a buzzkill. – Tracy Jordan

There is nothing harder in this world than being a truly beautiful woman. So honey, turn off the news and get naked, because it’s time to party. – Jenna Maroney

I don’t need an anniversary to know how much I love you, sugar. Every day I wake up and think, ‘Dear God, I hope she doesn’t wake up today.’ – Jack Donaghy

I’m allergic to barley. My thing is Jasmine rice. It gives me less gas, but it’s still gas. Lots of gas. – Tracy Jordan

I’m an artist, Liz. You can’t control me. – Jenna Maroney

Lemon, the grown-up dating world is like your haircut. Sometimes awkward triangles occur. – Jack Donaghy

I am the Northern Star. I have seen fire and I have seen sausages. – Tracy Jordan

Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them to stay alive. – Jenna Maroney

I am extremely particular about my pillows. They all have to be hotel quality. If I didn’t have tennis and horseback riding, I’d marry my pillows. – Liz Lemon


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