Top Hilarious Quotes That Will Make Your Day

Laughter is the best medicine, especially when it’s shared.

When life gives you lemons, throw them back and ask for a joke instead.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes – she hugged me.

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today, it’s already tomorrow in Australia.

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me lazy, I’d probably hire someone to spend it for me.

I’m not lazy; I’m just on energy-saving mode.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not so sure.

I’m not crazy; my reality is just different from yours.

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.

The biggest lie I tell myself is, ‘I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.’

Top Hilarious Quotes That Will Make Your Day part 2

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was hungry.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

I’m not clumsy; I’m just dancing to the beat of my own disasters.

The road to success is always under construction.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

I’m not short; I’m fun-sized!

Doing nothing is hard because you never know when you’re done.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Coincidence? I think not.

I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I’m not a baker, but I can make the dough.

I’m not shy; I’m just plot-driven.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them with glitter.

Don’t be a salad; be the best damn broccoli you can be!

I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.

I’m not ignoring you, I’m putting you on speakerphone.

When nothing goes right, go left.

I’m not procrastinating; I’m giving my ideas time to mature like fine wine.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

I’m not a complete fool; some parts are missing.

If everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough.

The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.

I may be a beginner at some things, but I’m a professional at making mistakes.

I’m not fat; I’m just severely over-nourished.

Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.

If at first, you don’t succeed, redefine success.

I’m on a whiskey diet – I’ve lost three days already.

If at first, you don’t succeed, maybe skydiving isn’t for you.

The trouble with having an open mind is that people will insist on coming along and putting things in it.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of loan payments.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

I used to be addicted to soap, but now I’m clean!

I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.

I’m not short-tempered; my patience is on vacation.

Laughter is the best medicine, especially when it’s shared.

When life gives you lemons, throw them back and ask for a joke instead.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes – she hugged me.

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today, it’s already tomorrow in Australia.

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me lazy, I’d probably hire someone to spend it for me.

I’m not lazy; I’m just on energy-saving mode.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not so sure.

I’m not crazy; my reality is just different from yours.

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.

The biggest lie I tell myself is, ‘I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.’

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was hungry.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

I’m not clumsy; I’m just dancing to the beat of my own disasters.

The road to success is always under construction.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

I’m not short; I’m fun-sized!

Doing nothing is hard because you never know when you’re done.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Coincidence? I think not.

I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I’m not a baker, but I can make the dough.

I’m not shy; I’m just plot-driven.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them with glitter.

Don’t be a salad; be the best damn broccoli you can be!

I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.

I’m not ignoring you, I’m putting you on speakerphone.

When nothing goes right, go left.

I’m not procrastinating; I’m giving my ideas time to mature like fine wine.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

I’m not a complete fool; some parts are missing.

If everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough.

The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.

I may be a beginner at some things, but I’m a professional at making mistakes.

I’m not fat; I’m just severely over-nourished.

Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.

If at first, you don’t succeed, redefine success.

I’m on a whiskey diet – I’ve lost three days already.

If at first, you don’t succeed, maybe skydiving isn’t for you.

The trouble with having an open mind is that people will insist on coming along and putting things in it.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of loan payments.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

I used to be addicted to soap, but now I’m clean!

I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.

I’m not short-tempered; my patience is on vacation.