Tobias Funke Quotes – Unforgettable Moments from the Arrested Development Character

Never underestimate the power of a good cutoff jean short!

I’m an actor, Michael. I can cry on cue. Watch this. [no tears] Damn it!

I’m afraid I just blue myself.

You know what gets my goat? Nothing. I am my own me and my own goat.

I just want to be a part of something, like you and your family candy bar business.

I’m an ideas man, Michael. I think I proved that with my famous ‘Hot ham water’ concept.

I’m a Therapist. The… rapist

I’m a never-nude. There are dozens of us! Dozens!

I’ve never had a job. But I’m an actor, so I guess I’m a professional unpaid intern for life.

Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?

I’m a master of disguise, just like that famous actor, Mrs. Doubtfire.

I’ve made a huge mistake. Actually, I’ve made several huge mistakes. Actually, all of my life choices have been huge mistakes.

I always say, ‘Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day, but give a man a hook and he’ll probably hang himself.’

I may not have any money, but I make up for it with my good looks and charming personality.

I’m not a chicken, I’m a cock. There’s a difference, you know.

Sometimes I feel like a firework. I’m just waiting for someone to light my fuse.

I can’t be a part of the Blue Man Group. They use too much paint. I’m a never-nude, remember?

Just because I have a medical degree doesn’t mean I can’t be an amateur magician on the side.

I may not have much common sense, but I make up for it with my uncommon sense.

I think men and women should be able to stand naked next to each other in a car wash without it being a big deal.

I’m a man of many talents. For example, I can play the chicken dance on the piano with my eyes closed.

I’m not sure how to adult, but I’m pretty good at adulting. You know, getting dressed, paying bills… adult stuff.

You know, they say there are no small parts, only small actors. Well, I guess that makes me an extra-extra-small actor.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It’s best when you can’t eat chocolate because you’re a never-nude.

I do my best thinking in the shower. Something about the water running down my naked body just gets my creative juices flowing.

I’m a big believer in the power of positive thinking. That’s why I always think positive thoughts like ‘Why me?’ and ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’

I may not have the best luck, but I make up for it with my positive attitude and ability to laugh at myself.

I’m a firm believer that laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have an actual medical condition, then you should probably see a doctor.

I may not be the smartest person in the room, but I make up for it with my impeccable fashion sense and killer dance moves.

I believe in the power of dreams. Especially when I’m taking a nap and dreaming of a world where I’m a successful actor with my own action figure.

They say laughter is contagious. I hope they’re right because I could use a good laugh.

I’m not just an actor, I’m a method actor. That’s why I’ve been practicing being unemployed for most of my life.

I have a dream. That dream is to one day find a pair of cutoff jean shorts that fit me perfectly.

I may not have a lot of money, but I have a lot of heart. And isn’t that what really matters?

I’m not just a face, I’m a body too. And let me tell you, this body was made for comedy.

I may not be the most successful actor, but I make up for it with my ability to make people laugh.

I’m not a quitter, but I do know when to cut my losses and move on. Like that one time I quit acting to become a therapist.

I may not have a lot of talent, but I make up for it with my passion and dedication.

I’m not sure what the meaning of life is, but I think it has something to do with finding joy in the little things. Like a good chicken dance.

I believe in the power of dreams. That’s why I sleep so much. I’m just trying to make my dreams come true.

I’m not just an actor, I’m a performance artist. Just like that guy who sits on a bucket and eats apples at the park.

I may not be the most successful actor, but I make up for it with my ability to make people laugh.

I believe in the power of positive thinking. That’s why I always think positive thoughts like ‘Why me?’ and ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’

I’m a firm believer that laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have an actual medical condition, then you should probably see a doctor.

I may not be the smartest person in the room, but I make up for it with my impeccable fashion sense and killer dance moves.

I believe in the power of dreams. Especially when I’m taking a nap and dreaming of a world where I’m a successful actor with my own action figure.

They say laughter is contagious. I hope they’re right because I could use a good laugh.

I’m not just an actor, I’m a method actor. That’s why I’ve been practicing being unemployed for most of my life.

I have a dream. That dream is to one day find a pair of cutoff jean shorts that fit me perfectly.

I may not have a lot of money, but I have a lot of heart. And isn’t that what really matters?