Terry Pratchett Quotes

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

It’s not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren’t doing it.

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are.

If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they’ve found it.

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

The trouble with being a god is that you’ve got no one to pray to.

It’s not the destination… it’s the glory of the ride.

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.

The mind is not a book, to be opened at will and examined at leisure.

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

You can’t map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which there be dragons? On the Discworld we know that there be dragons everywhere.

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

The only rewards of virtue are virtue and the only way to have a friend is to be one.

Belief is easier when it occurs in ignorance of alternatives.

Evil begins when you begin to treat people as things.

It is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you’re attempting can’t be done.

You can’t give her that!’ she screamed. ‘It’s not safe!’ IT’S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY’RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE. ‘She’s a child!’ shouted Crumley. IT’S EDUCATIONAL. ‘What if she cuts herself?’ THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.

Live the life you love. Love the life you live.

There isn’t a way things should be. There’s just what happens, and what we do.

Most gods find it hard to walk and think at the same time.

We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to those who think they’ve found it.

Don’t think of it as dying, think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush.

Don’t let me die! Wait…let me rephrase that.

They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite.

What can the harvest hope for, if not for the care of the reaper man?

Words in the heart cannot be taken.

The way you deal with a monster is to poke it in the eye. Well, I’m poking you in the eye.

This isn’t life in the fast lane, it’s life in the oncoming traffic.

I would like to say that anger is bad, or that hatred is wrong, but they aren’t. They’re just something that people volunteer for, like gout or testifying.

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

Magrat was aware that for something really important to happen, someone had to make it happen, but the most important things were always the ones that nobody could do anything about.

Most witches don’t believe in gods. They believe that the gods exist, of course. They even have dealings with them. They also know that there are gods of everything else, so why should there be one just for witches? However, in the course of time it became apparent that they didn’t have a god for looking after them (unless you counted themselves) and there was considerable dissatisfaction.

The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realization that today is the Monday which on Friday night was a comfortably long way off.

The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes, look behind words that have changed their meaning.

Death isn’t an allegory, it’s a passage.

Humor is a prerequisite for sanity.

I meant, said Ipslore bitterly, what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile? Death thought about it. CATS suddenly sprang to mind. CATS ARE NICE.

Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

It sounds like an explosion in a plorlav factory.

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.