Talladega Night Quotes – Captivating Lines from the Iconic Racing Comedy

If you ain’t first, you’re last!

I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

Shake and bake!

I’m going fast and I’m sideways!

You can’t have two number ones!

I’m just a big hairy American winning machine!

I wanna go fast!

I’m all hopped up on Mountain Dew!

I’m too drunk to taste this chicken!

I’m Ricky Bobby, and if you don’t chew Big Red then fuck you!

I had a dream that I was the fastest man on earth. I believe that it’s a vision.

The only thing I know about France is that they gave us the croissant.

I’m not sure what to do with my hands.

I was being sarcastic.

I’m the biggest fan of the Cal Naughton Jr. Powerade commercials.

I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.

Lucius, help me, Tom Cruise! Use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!

Grandpa, what’s a cougar?

I’m a little jacked up on Mountain Dew, I’ll be honest.

It’s the story of a man on fire.

I’m a rocket ship!

Running is dangerous. We chased those guys on foot for like 20 minutes.

All I do is drive, drive, drive. No matter what.

I’m an adult. I drive a Chevrolet Impala.

Designated driver? How ’bout designated drinker?

I wanna go fast like a jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the middle of August.

Dear Lord, baby Jesus, lyin’ there in your ghost manger, don’t even know a word yet.

I had a really good teacher. He told me I’d never amount to anything, said I’d be working in a gas station, but here I am, eating at a fancy restaurant.

I’m the best there is. Plain and simple, I mean I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

Tell my dear sweet mother, I’m proud to be her son.

Chip, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!

I’m Ricky Bobby, and if you don’t like Shake ‘n Bake, then get out of my face!

Hakuna Matata, bitches!

I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I’m here to party.

Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver.

Gimme some of that sticky icky icky!

I had a vision earlier when I was napping.

Cal, that’s like the thousandth time you said that today!

It’s called carpooling – we’re partners!

I’m not sure what a carburetor is, but I’ll wear one on a chain around my neck.

I work out all the time. You’ve never seen somebody work out more than I do.

My motto is, ‘If you ain’t first, you’re last.’

You can’t win ’em all, but you sure as hell can lose ’em all.

I’m a man, I can change, if I have to, I guess.

There ain’t nothin’ more frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.