Sophia Petrillo Quotes – The Best Lines from the Golden Girls’ Wisest Matriarch

If I had a dollar for every brain you don’t have, I’d have one dollar.

I’ve got moves in bed you haven’t even seen in a karate movie.

I’m old enough to be your mother, and I’m not that desperate.

I always say, the lazier you are, the smarter you get.

I’m as healthy as a horse, except for my cataracts, arthritis, and high blood pressure.

I’ve lived through two wars and the invention of the microwave, I can handle anything.

I may be old, but I’ve still got more sass than a five-year-old in a beauty pageant.

I don’t need a man to make me feel young, I just need a bottle of wine and some jelly beans.

I’ve been around the block so many times, I practically own the street.

I may be small, but my wit is as sharp as a knife.

I’m not grumpy, I’m just allergic to idiots.

Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.

They say laughter is the best medicine, but I prefer a strong drink.

I may not have a lot of years left, but I’ve got plenty of attitude.

I don’t need a man to take care of me, I just need someone to fix my TV remote.

I don’t believe in aging gracefully, I believe in kicking and screaming all the way.

I’ve got more wrinkles than a Shar Pei, but that just means I’m full of wisdom.

I’m not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of not having enough time to finish my bucket list.

I don’t sweat the small stuff, I just complain about it loudly.

I may be old, but I can still outsmart anyone in a game of chess.

I don’t need a facelift, I need a vacation.

I’ve got more stories than a library, and they’re all bestsellers.

I may not have my hearing, but I can still hear the sound of idiots from a mile away.

I don’t need a genie to grant my wishes, I can do that myself.

I may not have a lot of time left, but I can still make every minute count.

I’ve seen it all, done it all, and forgot most of it.

I walk with a cane, but I still know how to kick ass.

I don’t need a crystal ball to see the future, I’ve got enough experience to know how it turns out.

I may have wrinkles, but I prefer to think of them as smile lines.

I don’t need a maid, I’ve got enough spunk to clean my own mess.

I can’t hear what you’re saying, but I can read your mind and it’s not pretty.

I may be old, but I can still out-dance anyone at a wedding.

I’m not retired, I’m just refueled and ready for my next adventure.

I don’t need a cane to walk, I need a cane to beat anyone who gets in my way.

I may be small, but I’ve got more fire in my belly than a dragon.

I’ve got arthritis, but that just means I’m well-seasoned.

I’ve got more energy than a toddler on a sugar rush.

I don’t need a walker, I need a chauffeur.

I’m not old, I’m just vintage.

I can’t remember what I had for breakfast, but I’ll always remember how to kick your ass.

I’m not grumpy, I’m just allergic to stupidity.

I may be small, but I’ve got big dreams.

I don’t need a hearing aid, I just choose not to listen.

I may be old, but I can still rock a bikini better than most women half my age.

I may be retired, but I’m still a force to be reckoned with.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I get my exercise from rolling my eyes.

I may have grey hair, but I’ve still got a colorful personality.

I don’t need a walker, I need a jetpack.

I may be old, but I’ve got the heart of a lion.

I don’t need a man to make me feel alive, I just need a good joke and a glass of wine.