Snarky Sayings: A Journey Through Witty Sarcasm and Irony

I?m not sarcastic. I?m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.

I’m not always rude and sarcastic. Sometimes I’m asleep.

I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

Look, I’m trying to rant here. Stop interrupting me with facts.

I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons.

I’m sorry while you were talking I was plotting your demise.

If stupidity was a crime, you’d be serving a life sentence.

I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.

My common sense is tingling.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

The more you weight, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake.

I?m not arguing, I?m simply explaining why I?m right.

If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.

I may be wrong, but I doubt it.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ level.

You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

If I throw a stick, will you go away?

The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

Sarcasm is the body?s natural defense against stupidity.

You’re not yourself today, I noticed the improvement immediately.

If stupidity were a crime, you’d be serving a life sentence.

I can explain it for you, but I can’t understand it for you.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you?d gotten enough oxygen at birth?

Yes, I?ve heard of ?outside.? I?ve been told it?s beautiful.

Stupidity’s not a crime, so feel free to go.

Just because I don’t care, doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

I’d insult you, but that would be beyond the understanding of your simple mind.

Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain back there.

I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.

I’m not arguing, I’m simply explaining why I’m right.

My patience has its limits and you’ve already exceeded them.

I’m not sarcastic, I’m just brutally honest.

Being normal is vastly overrated.

Your secret is safe with me. Mainly because I wasn’t listening.

If I was meant to be controlled, I?d have come with a remote.

I’m not anti-social, I’m just not user friendly.

Not a bad person, just a good person with bad habits.

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.

I’m not rude, I’m honest. I just speak what’s on my mind.

I don?t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.

I’m not weird, you’re just too basic.

Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

Don’t worry about what I’m doing. Worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.

Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.

I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my own food. I don?t even know where sandwiches live.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

I would agree with you but then we?d both be wrong.

My people skills are just fine. It?s my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

You’re the reason I prefer animals to people.

I’ve found a level of sarcasm that even I didn’t know existed.