Richard Pryor Quotes

I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us.

I’d like to believe that the person that is in the ring is Richard Pryor, the person. Not Richard Pryor, the entertainer.

I’m for truth, no matter who tells it. I’m for justice, no matter who it’s for or against.

I went to Zimbabwe. I know how white people feel in America now; relaxed! Cause when I heard the police car I knew they weren’t coming after me!

When you ain’t got no money, you gotta get an attitude.

I live in racist America and I’m uneducated, yet a lot of people love me and like what I do, and I can make a living from it. You can’t do much better than that.

I’m a firm believer that comedians should be allowed to do whatever they want onstage… The stage is like a laboratory where you can experiment and say anything you want.

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’

I’ve been listening to Stevie Wonder for a long time.

I don’t know what this racism thing is, but I know one thing: Racism is stupid.

Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.

One thing about being a stand-up comedian is that you’re always being judged. You’re always being told whether you’re good or not.

I had a great feeling when I finally left the stage for good.

There were times when I had great times with my brothers, pillow fights and things like that. We had a great time. No matter how bad things got, they were always fun.

It is not adversity that defines a person, but how they handle it.

I went to a general store, but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.

I was in the gym the other day, and I saw Richard Simmons. He was using the StairMaster. On the escalator.

I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette!

The doctor told me I should start drinking liquids, so I went out and had a liquid lunch.

You know you’re getting old when you bend over to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

I was a real problem child. I ran away from home and I had to be brought home by another family.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, ‘What for?’ I said, ‘I’m going to buy some sugar.’

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

You know it’s time to lose weight when you’re standing on the scale and it says, ‘To be continued’.

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullsh*t.

I’d like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he’s working on now.

Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.

If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near forty.

You know, I used to have horrible cars. All I wanted was something good, something reliable, something that would last.

When you ain’t got no money, you gotta get an attitude.

Having two bathrooms ruined the sitcoms.

Ever notice how old folks tie their shoes up? They can be one foot away from a chair and they still get on the ground.

We talk funny down here.

You never heard me complain about school because I wasn’t much of an attender.

I don’t believe in miracles. I do believe in magic.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

I’m for justice, no matter who it’s for or against.

I’m the kind of dirty realist who writes with his guts, not his head.

I’m afraid of butterflies and butterflies are afraid of me.

I say the wrong things, but I don’t mean the wrong things.

I never did drugs. That’s because I saw this stuff I had to take to get off drugs.

When you’re afraid to tell someone, that means you’re afraid of losing them.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

If I thought about how my white friends are gonna react to an idea, I wouldn’t have been able to write ‘Blazing Saddles,’ I wouldn’t have been able to write ‘The Jeffersons,’ I wouldn’t have been able to write ‘Sanford and Son.’

You can’t say that civilization don’t advance… for in every war they kill you in a new way.

Now women are funny animals.

If you think about evil shit, it never turns out the way you want it to.

I believe in exercising my ass off.

Now women don’t even have to leave the house. They can just post a picture on Instagram and call it modeling.