Peter Griffin’s Most Hilarious and Memorable Quotes
With great mustache comes great responsibility.
Lois, if I’m not back in five minutes…wait longer!
Why have a civilization anymore if we no longer are interested in being civilized?
I’ll handle this the way I handled curious George. I’m gonna show him my scary angry face.
I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is.
I’m not going to die. Because I’m the dad. I’m the guy! I can’t die!
If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
Now, if I could only find a midget with some gin, I’ll be in business.
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.
Ok, I realize this breaks every rule in the book, but desperate suburban housewives call for desperate measures.
Kids, can you step outside for a second? Daddy bought a bear.
I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, Lois. You’re my silver medal.
Y’know I got to say, I have really enjoyed spending this time with you.
Lois, if I’m not back in five minutes…wait longer!
I need to do something manly . I’ve got leprosy!
I got a makeover, dad, not a sex change.
It’s like living with a six-year-old that constantly wants me dead.
I tell you, it’s not easy being a family guy.
What color is a fire truck? Ok, ok, fireman’s hat…Fire hydrant… What color are those red fire trucks?
Don’t make me do stuff!
With great mustache comes great responsibility.
Lois, if I’m not back in five minutes…wait longer!
Freakin’ sweet!
I’d like to propose a toast to our neighbors. Sure they might be black, handicapped, and a heartless sex hound, but hey, if they moved out, some smelly Hawaiians might move in.?
I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.
What?s the point in being smart if you can?t act dumb.
I got an ‘F’ in school today. Well, actually, I got an ‘F’ in not going to school today.
The lesson here is – abusing alcohol has absolutely no negative effects.
I tell you Lois, this is not my Batman glass.
I?d say that the single most important decision in life is whether to let it pass you by or to seize it with both hands… but I can never decide.
Why do women have boobs? So you got something to look at when you’re talking to ’em!
It?s not drinking alone if you are pregnant.
Lois, if I’m not back in five minutes ? wait longer!
I find that if you just talk the way you really talk, the song sort of sings itself.
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
With great mustache, comes great responsibility. – Peter Griffin
Lois, if I’m not back in five minutes…wait longer! – Peter Griffin
I don’t have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem! – Peter Griffin
Freakin’ sweet! – Peter Griffin
I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is. – Peter Griffin
I’m not going to die. But if I do, I don’t want to go to heaven. I want to go to Cleveland. – Peter Griffin
I’m a man, Lois! I’m not going to ask for directions! – Peter Griffin
It’s like when I don’t visit my mother. That doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about her in the car. – Peter Griffin
If you don?t like me, blame the parents. – Peter Griffin
What matters isn’t whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose. – Peter Griffin
I don’t drink to have fun, I drink to get drunk. – Peter Griffin
The lesson here is, abuse of power works. – Peter Griffin
Lois, if I’m not back in five minutes…wait longer! – Peter Griffin
Sometimes I feel like I?m married to a child. – Peter Griffin
I got an ?F? in school today. Well, actually I got an ?F? in school a long time ago, and now I sell bicycles for a living. – Peter Griffin
The only thing worse than canned beer is crapped beer. – Peter Griffin
I’m just trying to live my life. No one taught me about carbs. – Peter Griffin
I know nothing about cars. Other than the one I drives. – Peter Griffin
Always remember, kids – don?t do drugs. Wait until you?re grown up and can afford them. – Peter Griffin
I only got plastic surgery because of that one time I got stuck in the bathtub. – Peter Griffin