Memorable Quotes from Aunt Bethany in Christmas Vacation

Is your house on fire, Clark?

Grace! She passed away thirty years ago!

Save the neck for me, Clark!

I don’t know if I oughta go sailin’ down no hill with nothin’ between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.

Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn… the clean, cool chill of the holiday air… an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.

They want you to say grace.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping.

I’m gonna catch it in the coat, and smack it with a hammer!

Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here.

Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?

Eddie? Is that you?

He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.

I can’t swim, Clark.

Oh, you got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, Griswold.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.

Geez, if I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.

If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.

It is a bit nipply out. I mean, nippy out! What did I say, nipple?

I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.

I don’t know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don’t you, Clark?

Catherine, if this turkey tastes half as good as it looks, we’re all in for a real treat.

My cat had kittens in the oven. How’d it get in the oven, Aunt Bethany?

Oh, we have plenty of room. Plenty of room.

Is Rusty still in the Navy?

I’m gonna catch it in the coat, smack it with a hammer!

It wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they – HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn’t it?

You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant

I simply solved a problem. I devised a new way to solve problems. Christmas is about resolving conflicts and seeing the beauty in others.

You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant!

Aunt Bethany, does your cat by any chance eat jello?

What is that, a letter for Santa Claus?

I don’t believe it! You deliberately tried to make us think you were dead!

You know, somebody up there likes me.

Well hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?

Christmas Vacation? Don’t get me started!

Aunt Bethany didn’t wrap up her damn cat.

She’s been dead for thirty years!

Look, kids! Big Ben, Parliament!

Clark, Audrey’s frozen from the waist down!

We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye!

Hey, kids, look a deer!

Get us out of here!

Is there anything I can do for you, Clark?

I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas.

He’s an old man. This may be his last Christmas.

She got us subscriptions to the Jelly of The Month Club.

It’s a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What did I say, nipple?

Clark, I don’t like hammers.

Clark, I don’t think it matters.