Linda Belcher Quotes

Oh my god, Bobby, you’re making yourself a pancake suit!

I’m always a work in progress, but I’m getting me closer to Linda 2.0.

I’m gonna write something down, because you’re technically blowing my mind.

You just don’t know what it’s like to constantly have people be nice to you.

Well, as they say in the sixth grade, if you’re not being hassled, you’re not popular.

If moaning was a job, you’d be CEO.

I’m not getting any younger, so I better have my weird, middle-aged crisis now.

Who needs real friends when you have imaginary ones? They never disappoint you!

I’m like a ticking bomb of sexy.

Everybody needs to just calmdownadah!

Give me wine or give me a valium.

If you don’t have dreams, you don’t have nightmares. So I’m going for the nightmares.

Did you know that the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

You know what they say, ‘The best things in life are edible.’

I’ve got a gut feeling and it’s all about burgers.

Turns out if you give a kid a stool, he’ll start taking over the kitchen.

Why should I die if I can eat ice cream instead?

You know what they say, ‘The best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but I’m not about to cut up a ribcage.’

I’m not afraid of hard work. I’ve been married to Bob for 14 years.

Sometimes I think that if you put all the weirdos in one room, you’d have a pretty fun party.

If Bob loves America so much, why does he love having a Canadian wife?!

Lice are just nature’s highlights.

I can’t help it. I don’t think anybody at their core is ever truly happy.

If you don’t like wearin’ socks, then it’s the perfect time to switch to sandals!

I’m not lazy, I’m selectively motivated.

Who needs beauty sleep when you can have beauty wine?

I’m not messy, I’m creatively organized.

No kids playing in the backyard today, so I can save money on band-aids and tetanus shots.

You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream and that’s pretty much the same thing.

I don’t need a whole room for my bras. They can just live in the kitchen.

I believe in love, life, and the pursuit of happiness… through antidepressants.

With great pants comes great responsibility.

Your mother’s got a mouth on her, and you gotta love her for it.

I’m a fighter, a poet, and a singer. But mostly, I’m a channel changer.

I’m not fat, I’m cultivating mass!

I will slap you in public. I’m not afraid.

I am the stone that the builder refused, I am the visual, the inspiration that made the Lady sing the blues.

Some people might not like me, but not everyone matters.

I don’t know how to handle stress, and I could really use some coffee and a nap right now.

I’ll do my snooping at the safety of my own house!

If I die while eating this cake, I will be a happy ghost.

I’ll have an alcoholic beverage, and by that, I mean a large rack of wine.

I’ve been described as fun crazy and crazy fun.

I want to live in a world where I can have it all and still have french toast.

Love is like a rug, you just have to roll with it.

I look pretty good for someone who dances with garbage all day.

If I wanted a tattoo, I’d make Bobby give me one. It would probably turn into a sandwich halfway through.

If you want to feel like you’re in your 20s again, just skip sleep for a few nights. It’s not nearly as fun as it sounds.

I’m Linda, I like a good de-thaw, I like my seasons, I like flip-flops on a man, and I think chocolate milk is a lot like hot chocolate.

I may be maternal, but I’m not maternal enough to make my own socks.