The only thing thicker than his accent is his skull.
If brains were gasoline, he wouldn’t have enough to power a bumper car.
He’s got all the charm of a wet sock.
He’s as useful as a paperweight in a hurricane.
I’ve met doorbells with more intelligence.
His ideas are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
He couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag with a map and a flashlight.
He’s as subtle as a sledgehammer.
If he had a dollar for every stupid thing he’s said, he’d be a millionaire.
He’s got the creativity of a brick wall.
He’s so forgettable, I always have to double-check if he’s still there.
He’s a black hole of intelligence.
He’s got the attention span of a goldfish.
If he were any dumber, we’d have to water him twice a day.
He’s got all the charisma of a doorknob.
He’s like a broken record stuck on stupid.
He’s so dense, light bends around him.
He’s got the social grace of a bull in a china shop.
If he were any slower, he’d be in reverse.
He’s got a one-way ticket to the island of dim-witted fools.
He’s got more fillers in his sentences than a cheap knock-off bag.
He couldn’t pass a logic test to save his life.
He’s got the personality of a wet noodle.
His jokes are as funny as a root canal.
He’s got the problem-solving skills of a broken calculator.
He’s a walking encyclopedia of useless information.
He’s got all the charm of a scorpion.
He’s as sharp as a butter knife.
If he were any slower, he’d be moving backwards in time.
He’s got the charisma of a wet blanket.
He’s like a human error message.
He’s a prime example of a walking confessional booth.
He couldn’t find his way out of a revolving door.
He’s got more hot air than a balloon convention.
He’s got the subtlety of a foghorn.
If he were any more clueless, he’d be eligible for a reality show.
He’s like a broken record of stupidity.
He’s got all the wit of a doorstop.
He’s as predictable as a sunrise.
If idiocy were a sport, he’d be the world champion.
He’s got the decision-making skills of a coin flip.
He’s like a broken compass, always pointing in the wrong direction.
He’s got the charm of a porcupine.
He couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.
He’s as sharp as a marshmallow.
He’s got the patience of a toddler on a sugar rush.
He’s more lost than a needle in a haystack.
He’s got the subtlety of a bull in a china shop.
If he were any slower, he’d be moving in reverse.
He’s a walking contradiction of common sense.
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