Jay and Silent Bob Quotes

Snoochie boochies!

Snoogans!

No ticket, no paintball!

If I’m not back in five minutes … wait longer!

It’s all about the Benjamins, baby!

I’m not even supposed to be here today!

I’m a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule.

I wasn’t even supposed to be here yesterday.

You know what they say, ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… fiddlesticks.’

Silent but deadly.

Who the fuck watches the Watchmen?

I was there questing for tail, but I found so much more.

All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.

Do any of you know where I can find some fucking shade?

We may be stupid and we may be clueless, but at least we’re not liars.

I respect nothing about your black Peter Pan act.

You guys are a couple of unsupervised children in a dreamatorium.

You have the bravery of a black astronaut!

I’m just a guy with a mind full of unmarketable skill.

Let’s just get what we’ve earned and get the fuck out of Dodge.

There’s a method involved, a formula even, if you will.

We’re like the peace pipe except filled with chronic.

Zombie apocalypses are like Facebook. They’re both soul-sucking.

You know what mourning is? It’s a lot of paperwork.

You can’t have it both ways. Either you’re compatible sexually, or you’re compatible socially.

You know what? Your daughter sucked thirty-seven dicks!

Jesus! What the fuck are you doing? You scared me half to death!

I’m the high deputy director of comic-story-telling conduct.

I’m gonna put argument to you right now, buddy.

Not every conspiracy is a theory.

Ninjas hate all the things they don’t understand.

Love is comic but e-scary.

They say all the world’s a stage, but I prefer mine slapstick.

You don’t know how to play checkers. I can’t play chess.

Oh, it’s the sexual harasser from Vercompt.

Beat bumper-heart. Some dudes are just meal tickets.

I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that this will stir some shit.

Put your mouth where your money is, baby!

Sure they work for John Hughes movies, but in real life, you’re gonna end up with some no-name stoner.

Women select their men based on the potential size of their bank account. Men select women based on the size of their boobs.

Weed brings out the best in people.

When angels cry, trickles of awesome sauce is born.

A liar is just a dreamer without a dream.

Check out the new media darling, Silent Bob, muffin tops, and all.

If we lost, the world would lose the truth and beauty of our comic.

When you work retail, you have to put an air of authority just to get respect.

You can’t be funny in your acting if you don’t know how to act funny.

We’re all retards in some form or another.

Silent Bob is an alter ego who represents my ‘ooh’ side.

There’s a passion for life that you can’t capture in six seasons and a movie.