Jack Donaghy Quotes: Wisdom and Wit from 30 Rock’s Leading Man

Money can’t buy happiness. It is happiness.

Here’s some advice. Go out. Buy a whole bunch of ham.

There are no bad ideas. Only good ideas that go terribly wrong.

When it comes to hair, no expense is spared.

Never go with a hippie to a second location.

The secret to a strong, healthy head of hair is Dove blood.

Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive.

You can’t spell America without ‘I am the Decider’.

Lemon, women your age are more likely to get mauled at the zoo than get married.

You have the boldness of a much younger woman.

You’re not Geisha dead, which is not dead.

Sometimes the way back up is down. Let me tell you a story. It’s

I went ice climbing, and I fell into a crevasse. I hurt my leg, and I couldn’t climb back up. So fighting every natural instinct, doing the thing that seemed most awful to me, I climbed down into the darkness. And that’s how I got out. When I got back to base camp, I went and found my fellow climber, the one who had cut me loose after I fell. And I said, ‘Connie Chung, you did the right thing.’

I don?t sleep on planes. I don?t want to get incepted.

What do we elites do when we screw up? We pretend it never happened and give ourselves a giant bonus.

There’s nothing wrong with being fun and popular and just gathering information.

Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them to stay alive. Haven?t you ever read my throw pillow?

There are no bad ideas, Lemon, only good ideas that go horribly wrong.

We all have ways of coping. I use sex and awesomeness.

Lemon, I would love to be a woman. I’d like to get a fresh start, make things right.

I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.

I don?t need tricks. I don?t need them because I have something better. A little thing called integrity.

Never go with a hippie to a second location.

I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men’s club, and you take that problem and crush it with your mind vice.

Money can?t buy happiness. It is happiness.

These meaty leading man parts are meant to be played by guys like me and Alec Baldwin and, for a brief time in the nineties, LL Cool J.

Every time I meet a new person, I figure out how I’m gonna fight ’em.

I like being near the top of the food chain; I get to eat whatever I want, like bald eagles and lobster thermidor.

The best kind of prize is a surprise.

She’s not my girlfriend! She’s my Special Friend.

I have psychologiced people before. It’s a thing you can do when you’re smart.

There’s no such thing as bad press.

I?m not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness.

This is the essence of Lemon-scented you.

It’s not a Lemon party without old Dick.

Money can’t buy happiness. It is happiness.

The best way to turn a ‘no’ into a ‘yes’ is to be unacceptably attractive.

Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive.

Never go with a hippie to a second location.

There’s no such thing as ‘too much of a good thing.’ That’s why it’s called a ‘good thing’.

Life is for living. Life is for love. Shut up, Lemon, I’m not done.

What is this, horseville? Because I’m surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay!

Happiness and perfection are mutually exclusive.

I’m not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness.

You’ve got the boldness of a much younger woman.

You know what they say. ‘Rolled-up sleeves, open minds’.

To friendship. It’s like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it.

I apologize for yesterday, Lemon. I was menstruating. I don’t want to talk about it.

A book hasn?t caused me this much trouble since ‘Where?s Waldo went to that barber pole factory’.

Lemon, I would love to be a regular guy with three kids who might be girls, but I?m not. I?m just not.

The world is made by those who control their own destiny. It isn?t made by those who don’t do, it?s made by those who do do. Which is what made me the man I am.

You can’t unfry things, Lemon. You can’t be something you’re not.

I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.

Business doesn’t get me down, business gets me off.

All anyone wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.