Humor in the Workplace – Funny and Sarcastic Quotes

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

I’m not saying I hate my job, but if I won the lottery, I would definitely pretend to be sick the next day.

My job is top secret; even I don’t know what I’m doing.

I don’t need a hairstylist, my job gives me plenty of midday shock.

I finally got my dream job… in my dreams.

If there was an award for laziness, I’d probably send someone else to accept it on my behalf.

Whoever said ‘nothing is impossible’ has never tried to staple water to a tree.

I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.

I don’t need anger management classes. I need people to stop pissing me off at work.

I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.

The best part of going to work is coming back home.

If you think your job is meaningless, remember that someone has to validate parking tickets.

I love my job, only when I’m on vacation.

I’m not rude, I just have a sarcastic way of expressing the obvious.

I’m not a complete fool, some parts are missing.

If sarcasm burned calories, I would be a supermodel.

I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a mission to rearrange the office furniture.

Humor in the Workplace – Funny and Sarcastic Quotes part 2

Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in my garden.

If Mondays were shoes, they’d be Crocs.

My job is a like a gym membership. I pay for it, but never actually go.

The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.

Coffee: because adulting is hard.

I’m not sure if I’m the perfect employee, but I can guarantee I’m the most sarcastic.

If you can’t remember my name, just call me ‘Boss’ because we both know who does all the work.

The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

I’m sorry for what I said when I was trying to meet a deadline.

I don’t always lose my mind at work, but when I do, I make sure it’s entertaining for everyone.

I asked for a raise, and my boss gave me more work instead. Thanks, but I was looking for more money, not a mental breakdown.

Be the kind of employee your dog thinks you are.

Life is too short to work with boring people.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three coffee breaks do.

My job is secure because no one else in their right mind would want it.

My desk is a shrine dedicated to all the food I should be eating instead of working.

Sorry, I can’t come to work today. I was abducted by aliens and they only brought me back just now.

I’m not a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do that?

I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!

Working for the weekend is not just a song, it’s my life’s motto.

No, my keyboard isn’t sticky, I just spilled my coffee… again.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.

I’m not a morning person. Actually, I’m not even an afternoon person.

I’m multitasking. I can listen, ignore, and forget all at the same time.

Work is important, but laughter is essential for maintaining sanity in the office.