Quotes

Homer quotes

D’oh!

I’m not normally a religious man, but if you’re up there, save me, Superman!

Trying is the first step towards failure.

Mmm… donuts.

Stupid sexy Flanders!

In theory, communism works. In theory.

You don’t win friends with salad.

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

I can’t promise I’ll try, but I’ll try to try.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!

I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to church!

If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.

Jesus must be spinning in his grave.

I’m a white male, aged 18 to 49, everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.

I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.

Remember, as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice, normal family.

I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die.

I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman!

But I can’t be a vegetarian, Lisa. I’m a level 5 vegan — I won’t even eat food that casts a shadow.

It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

All my life, I’ve had one dream: to achieve my many goals.

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

It takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.

Can’t talk, eating.

Oh yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?

To start, press any key. Where’s the any key?

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.

If at first you don’t succeed, give up.

I’m a Level-5 vegan – I don’t eat anything that casts a shadow.

I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?

I’m a big guy, and I like to eat. What a shocker.

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain.

I’m not normally a religious man, but if you’re up there, save me, Superman!

Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

Nothing you say can upset us. We’re the MTV generation.

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

You don’t win friends with salad.

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

Oh, look at me. I’m making people happy! I’m the magical man from Happyland, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane!

When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle; they’re on TV!

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

You can’t keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.

Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

It takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.

When I look at the smiles on all the children’s faces, I just know they’re about to jab me with something.


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