Happy Gilmore Quotes

The price is wrong, Bob!

I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to break your concentration. Should I tell you about the time I kissed a girl?

Just tap it in… just tap it in.

It’s all in the hips. It’s all in the hips. It’s all in the hips.

If I saw myself in clothes like those, I’d have to kick my own ass.

You’re gonna die, clown!

This is golf, not a rock concert!

Now you gonna get it, Bobby!

I’m stupid. You’re smart. I was wrong. You were right.

I was trying to be nice and ask you to help me, but now I’m telling you, give me my ball.

You’re in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.

Somebody’s closer.

Why didn’t you just go home? That’s your home! Are you too good for your home?!

Yeah, and Grizzly Adams had a beard.

The club must be responsible for the losses incurred due to incompetence in the workplace.

You know, you should play with Dr. Fisher, I heard he’s a chiropractor. In fact, he’s never lost a patient!

You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut the hell up!

When I play, I’m sexy and I know it.

See that! I can’t play hockey!

How about I just go eat some hay, make things out of clay, lay by the bay?

I can’t believe you’re a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar.

Just a little bit of trouble, I stepped on one of those how should I put it, left handed clubs last night in the dark, and I can’t get it out. But don’t worry, I’m going to get it out before I play. But anyway.

I have one rule in the house. Let’s not bore each other.

Looks like a slight hook, just stay out of those runs. Anything down in those runs are just a bummer.

Forget about it. It’s water under the bridge. Positivity, Jackie.

Yeah, you like that old man? You want a piece of me? I don’t want a piece of you. I want the whole thing!

You’re still going to beat grizzly Adams tomorrow!

Keep your eye on the ball. I’m begging you, keep your eye on the ball.

I’d love some breakfast.

Damn you people, this is golf! Not a rock concert!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s it. You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

The learning center is closer to Boston, next year you’ll be able to take a little more advantage of that.

Yeah and Grizzly Adams had a beard.

That’s not good at all!

I’m pretty smart, but I’m also dumb at the same time.

Hey Mr. Larson, my girlfriend just picked me up on that last hole. How about a smile for an old friend?

Do you have a happy place? That’s important, you know.

I’m stupid. You’re smart. I was wrong. You were right. You’re the best. I’m the worst. You’re very good-looking. I’m not very attractive.

Why didn’t you just go home? That’s your home! Are you too good for your home? Answer me!

You still goin’ to beat Grizzly Adams to tomorrow?

In hockey, you say you’re going to take someone’s teeth out, it means you’re going to knock their teeth out. In golf, it means you’re going to knock their teeth out. Except no one’s wearing a hockey mask or carrying a stick.

I’d like to punch that guy in the face right now.

You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up! Now, you will go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep.

That’s it! I’ve had enough! I’m going to make a warm glass of SHUT THE HELL UP!

That is the worst hat I have ever seen.

Just ease her back and cream. Cream her!

The ball broke my arm, but the crazy thing is it hurt so good I gotta get my foot out of my butt.

You had it coming, no one stands up to a golf ball!

You little son of a bitch ball! Why you don’t you just go HOME? That’s your HOME! Are you too good for your HOME? ANSWER ME! SUCK MY WHITE ASS, BALL!