I told my boss I needed a raise because my job was giving me a case of the Mondays.
Coffee: Because adulting is hard.
If work were easy, everyone would be doing it – that’s why it’s called work!
I always give 100% at work: 10% Monday, 20% Tuesday, 30% Wednesday…
When in doubt, take a coffee break.
The only thing stopping me from being a millionaire is my lack of motivation… and money.
I work better under pressure… said no one ever.
I didn’t choose the work life, the work life chose me… and it keeps choosing me every Monday.
I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
I could be a morning person if mornings happened around noon.
The elevator to success is out of order, but the stairs are always open – just bring snacks!
If you think nobody cares about your work, just try making a mistake.
My job gave me trust issues. Now whenever someone says ‘trust me,’ my first thought is, ‘Can I see that in writing?’
Procrastination: because why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?
Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
Work: the place where dreams go to die – but at least it has free Wi-Fi.
I keep hitting ‘escape’ but I’m still at work.
I don’t just meet deadlines, I make friendships with them.
My boss told me to have a great day, so I went home and watched Netflix.
The face you make when you realize it’s only Tuesday.
Friday: the golden child of the workweek.
I don’t need an alarm clock, my passion wakes me up every morning… around 11 am.
Office politics: the only place where stabbing someone in the back is considered teamwork.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. Especially during team meetings.
If my job were a game show, I’d definitely be winning the ‘Survivor’ edition.
My job is top secret – even I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time.
Monday is a basic b*tch – at least spice it up with some coffee and sarcasm.
When your work-life balance is just as great as finding a unicorn.
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
The only thing keeping me going at work is the thought of lunch.
I work well under minimal supervision. Like on weekends, when no one is watching.
The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.
I always start my day with a positive attitude… and a strong cup of coffee.
I’m not a workaholic; I’m a ‘find a way to get paid for napping’ enthusiast.
My annual salary is the number of times I say ‘thank you’ to my computer for not crashing.
Of course, I talk to myself at work. Sometimes I need an expert opinion.
The hardest part of my job is pretending to be awake all day.
Remember, even the longest day has only 24 hours – and sometimes less if you sneak out early.
Be the type of employee your dog thinks you are.
Work hard, nap harder.
Teamwork makes the dream work… unless your team consists of cats.
Success is 1% inspiration, 99% caffeination.
Keep calm and pretend it’s on the lesson plan.
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