Funny Wedding Quotes

Marriage is like a deck of cards – you need a heart to love, a diamond to marry, a club to smack if they misbehave, and a spade to bury the body.

Wedding vows: the ultimate test of your memory and your ability to lie with a straight face.

The secret to a successful marriage? Just remember that you’re always right, and they’re just always wrong.

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy and ask them to do the laundry.

Marriage: the bond that keeps a man from flirting and a woman from shopping.

Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park!

Why fall in love when you can fall asleep and eat pizza instead?

Weddings are like going to the theater – the main show is good, but the real entertainment is watching the drunk guests on the dance floor.

A successful marriage is all about finding someone who can tolerate your weirdness and still love you for it.

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person ordered, you wish you had ordered that instead.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

In my house, I’m the king, and my wife is just the decision-maker.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

My wife and I were perfectly happy until we got married.

Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.

Being in a long-lasting marriage is like competing in a marathon… except you’re running against yourself and chocolate cake.

Funny Wedding Quotes part 2

Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is cluttered with dirty laundry and the pieces are all arguing.

Love is patient, love is kind. And if that doesn’t work, love is getting separate beds.

I love being married! It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

A good marriage is like a casserole – only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

Marriage is trading freedom for someone to share the last slice of pizza with.

The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest they’re too old to do it.

My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.

Behind every great man stands a woman rolling her eyes.

No relationship is perfect; it’s all about finding someone who puts up with your nonsense.

Marriage is all about finding that one person you want to annoy for the rest of eternity.

The four most important words in any marriage: I’ll do the dishes.

Marriage is like a workshop, where even the smallest mistakes are magnified… for the rest of your life.

Marriage is an institution of three rings – engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway!

I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man-child who can’t take care of himself.

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

Husband and wife: two small words, but for some, it’s the entire dictionary.

Marry someone who looks at you the same way as when pizza arrives.

Marriage is finding that one person who likes waking up next to you, despite your morning breath.

Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.

Marriage is all about compromise – for example, agreeing with your spouse on where to spend the holidays… yours or mine.

Marriage is like a phone charger – it’s only useful when plugged into the right socket.

Marriage is made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.

It’s not a true wedding unless the bride accidentally throws the bouquet through an open window.

Marriage is like a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.

A wedding is just a fancy party where you get to eat cake and pretend to be mature.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence, and second marriages are the triumph of hope over experience.