Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes

Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably shit.

Valentine’s Day is for couples. All singles can enjoy themselves in the discount candy aisle.

My love for you is like a mathematical equation – you can’t solve it, and I don’t understand it.

Valentine’s Day is just a friendly reminder that I’m still single.

I hope your Valentine’s Day is as sweet as the chocolates you steal from your co-workers.

Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.

Love is in the air on Valentine’s Day, but so is the smell of desperation.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to remind your significant other why they settled for you.

I love you more than pizza, and that’s saying a lot.

You’re the reason I believe in love… and Netflix binges.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular on Valentine’s Day?

Relationship status: committed to binge-watching Netflix this Valentine’s Day.

Who needs a Valentine when you have a cat that loves you unconditionally?

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don’t need a Valentine because I have you… in my cart.

Valentine, you’re sweeter than a box of chocolates… which is ironic because I ate the whole box.

If loving you is a crime, lock me up… I could use a break from dating.

Love is like a fart, if you force it, it’s probably going to stink.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m single and my plants are too.

Valentine’s Day is just another reminder that I should’ve swiped left.

You stole my heart, but I have a strict return policy.

Valentine’s Day is the one day a year that I can eat all the chocolate I want and no one can judge me.

Love is like a box of chocolates, full of surprises and occasionally makes you feel sick.

If love is a battlefield, then Valentine’s Day is a minefield.

Roses are red, violets are blue, if I had to choose between chocolates and you… I’d choose the chocolates.

They say love is blind, but my bank account can see it all.

Valentine’s Day is just an excuse for people to show off their #relationshipgoals on social media.

Cupid must be drunk on Valentine’s Day because he keeps shooting arrows at all the wrong people.

Love is like a piñata, you never know what you’re going to get.

Valentine’s Day is the one day a year that I can indulge in cliches without feeling guilty.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

I’m allergic to flowers, chocolate gives me cavities, so I guess I’m just allergic to love.

Cupid must have had a few too many shots before aiming at my heart.

Forget Tinder, Valentine’s Day is the true test of compatibility.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Valentine’s Day is expensive, so let’s split the bill too.

If love was a board game, it would be Monopoly – long, drawn-out, and someone always ends up crying.

Valentine’s Day is just a reminder that romance is dead and capitalism is alive and well.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my ideal date is takeout for two.

Valentine’s Day is the one day a year I’m glad I’m single – no pressure to find a gift, no wasted money on fancy dinners.

Love is like a rollercoaster, full of ups and downs, and by the end, someone’s probably going to puke.

Instead of roses, can I just have a pizza delivered to my doorstep?

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m single, and my DMs are open just for you.

Valentine’s Day is the only day where you’re allowed to eat chocolate for breakfast without judgment.

I’d rather have a pizza my heart than risk it getting broken.

I don’t need a Valentine, I need a nap.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d rather be single than go on a Valentine’s date with you.

Valentine’s Day is overrated. I’d rather have a day dedicated to discounted candy.

Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably better to just let it go.

Instead of being bitter about Valentine’s Day, embrace the sweet discounts on chocolate the day after.

Valentine’s Day is a great day to remind yourself that you don’t need anyone else to be happy.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Valentine’s Day is just another reminder that Pop-Tarts warm up better than relationships.