Funny Uplifting Quotes

Laughter is the sun that drives away the clouds of sadness.

Life is too short to be taken seriously – laugh it off!

A day without laughter is like a day without sunshine.

Smile, it’s the second-best thing you can do with your lips!

I never make the same mistake twice, I make it five or six times – just to be sure.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then find someone whose life gave them vodka and have a party!

The key to happiness is a good sense of humor and a poor memory.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just gravity-challenged.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique – just like everyone else.

For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness. So laugh it out!

I can resist everything except temptation, and chocolate… and pizza!

Funny Uplifting Quotes part 2

I’m not addicted to chocolate, I just have a close relationship with it.

Be the reason someone smiles today – even if it’s because they tripped and fell!

Life is too short to worry about matching socks.

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question.

I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not fake.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

I may not be able to make everyone happy, but I can at least be the reason for someone’s laughter.

If at first, you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in my way.

If I won the lottery, the first thing I’d buy is a teleport machine, so I could avoid traffic forever.

You can’t make everybody happy, you’re not Nutella.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

I’m not late, I’m just fashionable on my own time.

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.

I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

My doctor told me I shouldn’t indulge in too much wine and cheese. I have new doctor now.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Do I run? Yes, out of time, patience, and money.

If common sense was common, everyone would have it.

I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome.

I’m not lazy, I’m energy-efficient.

Exercise? I thought you said ‘extra fries.’

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Happiness is like a unicorn – elusive, magical, and often mistaken for a mythical creature.

There are only two kinds of people in the world – those who love chocolate and liars.

Don’t let anyone treat you like a yellow Starburst. You are a pink Starburst!

I plan to procrastinate today, but somehow I just never get around to it.

I’m not multitasking, I’m just very efficient at doing nothing.

I could be a morning person, if morning happened around noon.

Life is like a hot bath – it feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

The secret to staying young is to keep a childlike sense of humor and never stop eating the ice cream.

People who say money can’t buy happiness have never tried buying a puppy.

Laughter is the sun that drives away the clouds of sadness.

Life is too short to be taken seriously – laugh it off!

A day without laughter is like a day without sunshine.

Smile, it’s the second-best thing you can do with your lips!

I never make the same mistake twice, I make it five or six times – just to be sure.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then find someone whose life gave them vodka and have a party!

The key to happiness is a good sense of humor and a poor memory.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just gravity-challenged.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique – just like everyone else.

For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness. So laugh it out!

I can resist everything except temptation, and chocolate… and pizza!

I’m not addicted to chocolate, I just have a close relationship with it.

Be the reason someone smiles today – even if it’s because they tripped and fell!

Life is too short to worry about matching socks.

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question.

I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not fake.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

I may not be able to make everyone happy, but I can at least be the reason for someone’s laughter.

If at first, you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in my way.

If I won the lottery, the first thing I’d buy is a teleport machine, so I could avoid traffic forever.

You can’t make everybody happy, you’re not Nutella.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

I’m not late, I’m just fashionable on my own time.

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.

I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

My doctor told me I shouldn’t indulge in too much wine and cheese. I have new doctor now.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Do I run? Yes, out of time, patience, and money.

If common sense was common, everyone would have it.

I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome.

I’m not lazy, I’m energy-efficient.

Exercise? I thought you said ‘extra fries.’

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Happiness is like a unicorn – elusive, magical, and often mistaken for a mythical creature.

There are only two kinds of people in the world – those who love chocolate and liars.

Don’t let anyone treat you like a yellow Starburst. You are a pink Starburst!

I plan to procrastinate today, but somehow I just never get around to it.

I’m not multitasking, I’m just very efficient at doing nothing.

I could be a morning person, if morning happened around noon.

Life is like a hot bath – it feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

The secret to staying young is to keep a childlike sense of humor and never stop eating the ice cream.

People who say money can’t buy happiness have never tried buying a puppy.