Funny TV Show Quotes

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – The Office

That’s what she said! – The Office

I’ve made a huge mistake. – Arrested Development

I’m not a psychopath, I’m a high-functioning psychopath. – Sherlock

I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested. – The Big Bang Theory

Hakuna Matata. It means no worries. – The Lion King

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see. – Friends

I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone. – Parks and Recreation

I am Beyoncé always. – Parks and Recreation

The worst thing about prison was the… was the dementors! – The Office

I’m not superwoman. The cape is in the dry cleaning, anyway. – Gilmore Girls

That’s my secret, Captain. I’m always angry. – The Avengers

I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom. – Mean Girls

I’m not smart. I just wear glasses. – The Big Bang Theory

I’m not ready for this jelly. – Bob’s Burgers

I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants. – Aunty Acid

I’m not a bad driver. I just panic when children pop up. – The Simpsons

I’m not addicted to caffeine. I just really love the way it smells. – Friends

I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs attack me, and the walls get in my way. – Unknown

I’m not shy. I’m studying my prey. – Friends

I’m not short, I’m fun-sized. – Supernatural

I’m not ignoring you. I’m just prioritizing my to-do list and you’re not on it. – Modern Family

I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode. – Unknown

I’m not messy. I’m creatively organized. – How I Met Your Mother

I’m not heartless. I just learned to use my heart less. – Grey’s Anatomy

I’m not old. I’m vintage. – Friends

I’m not a morning person. I’m an all-day nap person. – The Office

I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV. – Scrubs

I’m not failing calculus. I’m exploring its limits. – Parks and Recreation

I’m not arguing, I’m simply explaining why I’m right. – The Golden Girls

I’m not stalking, I’m just very thorough with my research. – Veronica Mars

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just smarter than you, and you’re really not getting it. – Friends

I’m not a threat. I’m a challenge. – Supernatural

I’m not single, I’m in a long-term relationship with my freedom. – Parks and Recreation

I’m not a player. I just crush a lot. – Friends

I’m not bitter. I’m salty. – The Office

I’m not weird. I’m limited edition. – Parks and Recreation

I’m not gossiping. I’m just networking. – Sex and the City

I’m not a control freak. I just know better. – Friends

I’m not a therapist, but I’m here to listen to your problems just for the fun of it. – How I Met Your Mother

I’m not a morning person. I’m a ‘leave me alone until I’ve had my coffee’ person. – Gilmore Girls

I’m not a quitter. I’m just a very selective achiever. – Friends

I’m not drunk. I’m just very friendly with the floor. – Parks and Recreation

I’m not a snob. I just have very high standards. – The Devil Wears Prada

I’m not judging you. I’m just silently evaluating your life choices. – The Big Bang Theory

I’m not antisocial. I’m selectively social. – Friends

I’m not procrastinating. I’m giving my ideas time to marinate. – Parks and Recreation

I’m not avoiding work. I’m maximizing my time management. – The Office

I’m not a therapist. I’m a problem-solving life consultant. – The Good Place

I’m not nosey. I just have a vested interest in everyone’s personal business. – Desperate Housewives