Funny Shirt Quotes

I’m sorry, what language do you speak? Because it sounds like nonsense.

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

I may be a disaster in the kitchen, but I’m a pro at ordering takeout.

I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me.

I don’t need anger management, I just need people to stop pissing me off.

When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in someone’s eye.

I put the ‘cool’ in ‘school’.

I don’t need a life, I’m a gamer.

I’m not a morning person. Or an afternoon person. or an evening person.

If being sarcastic burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.

I don’t need Google, my wife knows everything.

I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me adult.

I may be old, but at least I got to see all the good bands.

I’m not short, I’m fun-size.

My cooking is so fabulous, even the smoke alarm cheers me on.

I’m not single, I’m just romantically challenged.

I run on caffeine, sarcasm, and inappropriate thoughts.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

I’m not a rude person, I just have a very colorful vocabulary.

I’m not a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do that?

Always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood.

I may be a catastrophe, but at least I’m entertaining.

I believe in beach therapy.

I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.

I don’t need an alarm clock, my kids wake me up every morning.

Keep calm and pretend it’s on the lesson plan.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

I may be awkward, but at least I bring the awkward to a whole new level.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

Warning: Easily distracted by shiny objects.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I need a motivational unicorn.

I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.

I’m not a morning person, nor am I a coffee person. I’m more of an ‘ignore everyone and stare blankly’ kind of person.

I’m not a nerd, I’m just really good at being smart.

I may be a mess, but at least I’m a hot mess.

I don’t give a sip.

I’ll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color.

I’m not opinionated, I’m just always right.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just dancing with the floor.

I’m not sarcastic, I’m just fluent in irony.

Introverts unite separately in your own homes.

I’m not a procrastinator, I’m just waiting for the right moment.

I don’t snore, I dream I’m a motorcycle.

I’m not a control freak, I just know what’s best.

I’m silently correcting your grammar. And spelling. And punctuation.

I don’t need a prince charming, I need a freakin’ coffee.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just experiencing life in widescreen.

I may be a hot mess, but at least I’m a hilarious one.