Funny Roast Quotes

You’re so ugly, even your reflection checks the mirror twice before showing up.

You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.

I would roast you, but my mom taught me not to burn trash.

If laughter is the best medicine, you must be curing the world.

You’re so old, your birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’m not looking for.

Your face is like a light switch, even in the dark, it still turns me off.

You’re so dumb, you try to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.

If stupidity were a superpower, you’d be the world’s strongest superhero.

You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.

Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I’m feeling a connection.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you’re so ugly, they’re turning purple too.

I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.

You’re so short, you need a ladder to reach the top of your ego.

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

I’m not saying I’m better than you, but I’m definitely a better option.

You’re so boring, you could make vanilla ice cream seem exciting.

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you’re unarmed.

Your face is like sunshine, it brightens my day… when it’s not around.

You’re so slow, you could outrun a sloth… with a broken leg.

If laughter is the best medicine, you must be a pharmacist.

I’m not saying you’re stupid, but you give dumb a bad name.

You’re like a broken pencil, pointless and unable to draw attention.

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a ‘cute-cumber.’

I would insult you, but I’m afraid I’ll only make you smarter.

Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.

You’re so clumsy, you even trip over virtual reality.

You should sue your brain for non-support.

You’re so lazy, you need a map to find the remote control.

If brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow your nose.

Do you have a name or can I call you mine?

You’re like a parking ticket, annoying and unwanted.

I’m not saying you’re ugly, but you could scare the chrome off a bumper.

I would ask how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high.

You’re like a broken compass, always pointing in the wrong direction.

If laughter is contagious, you must be the cure.

You’re so short, you can’t even see the grass grow.

Is your name homework? Because I’m not doing you tonight.

You’re so slow, you could outrun a turtle… if it was asleep.

I’m not saying you’re boring, but I’d rather watch paint dry.

You’re like a mosquito in a nudist colony, always looking for trouble.

You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.

Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.

You’re like a broken record, repeating the same mistakes over and over.

I wouldn’t call you a tool, but you’re definitely not the sharpest in the shed.

You must have a black belt in stupid if you think I care.

Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got ‘Fine’ written all over you.

You’re so annoying, even your imaginary friends ignore you.

You’re like a ball of yarn, always unraveling and causing a mess.

I might have a messy room, but at least I’m neat when it comes to roasting you.