Funny pirate sayings

Aye, matey! Did ye see me ship sinkin’? It’s now a coral reef!

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum, or in my case, a barrel!

Arrr, me hearties! The Kraken would be scared of me beard!

Why did the pirate become a magician? Because he wanted to make his doubloons disappear!

Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Who needs a treasure chest when ye can have a bootylicious treasure shelf?

Why do pirates never learn the alphabet? Because they spend all their time at sea!

Why did the pirate go to school? To improve his ‘arrrrr’thmetic!

Arrr, those landlubbers might call it a parrot, but to me, it’s just me first mate!

Avast, ye lubbers! Did ye know that the pirate’s favorite subject in school is ‘plunderology’?

Why did the pirate go to therapy? He had trouble letting go of his booty-ful past!

Arrr, it’s a pirate’s life for me! Just me, me trusty ship, and a whole lotta grog!

Why did the pirate invite his friends to the BBQ? Because he wanted to ‘arrrr’ and grill!

Avast, ye scallywags! Did ye know that the best way to fight a sea monster is with a good pirate joke? It’ll make them laugh themselves into submission!

Why did the pirate bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!

Arrr, ye landlubber! Did ye know that the pirate’s favorite type of music is RRR&B?

Why did the pirate start a gardening business? Because he had a green thumb… or rather, a hook!

Avast, ye mateys! Ye don’t need treasure to have a rich life, just a good sense of humor and a swashbuckling spirit!

Arrr, I once met a pirate who had a pet octopus. It was the best ‘arrrm’ matey he could find!

Why did the pirate become a stand-up comedian? Because he always had a ‘captivating’ audience!

Avast, ye landlubbers! Did ye hear about the pirate who got caught stealing seaweed? He was kelp-tured red-handed!

Arrr, ye scurvy dogs! Did ye know that a pirate’s favorite dessert is pieces of eight?

Why was the pirate always happy? Because he had a ‘yarr’ in his laughter!

Avast, ye mateys! Ye think ye’ve seen a good pirate impersonation? Well, this one will shiver yer timbers!

Arrr, why did the pirate go on a diet? Because he wanted to lose a few ‘aargh’s!

Why was the pirate such a good athlete? Because he could ‘arrrr’ n’ run!

Avast, ye lubbers! Did ye know that the pirate’s favorite type of exercise is plank-ing?

Arrr, ye scallywags! Did ye hear about the pirate who opened a bakery? He specialized in yo-ho-ho and doughnuts!

Why did the pirate take up sculpting? He wanted to make some booty-ful works of art!

Avast, ye mateys! Ye know why pirates never go to casinos? Because they all prefer to roll the ‘arrr’!

Arrr, ye landlubbers! Did ye hear about the pirate who got a mosquito bite on his pegleg? He said it was a real ‘itch-n-hook’ situation!

Why did the pirate go to the dentist? Because he had a ‘yarrr-tache’ problem!

Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Ye know why the pirate never finishes his novel? He always gets ‘arrr-iting’ block!

Arrr, ye mateys! Did ye know that a pirate’s favorite type of workout is ‘aarrrobie’?

Why did the pirate become a plumber? Because he was always a-boat fixing leaks!

Avast, ye lubbers! Did ye hear about the pirate who couldn’t find his treasure map? He said he must have misplaced it in ‘Shiver Me Timbers Storage’!

Arrr, ye scallywags! Ye want a pirate joke? Well, ye better ‘hook’ onto this one!

Why did the pirate bring a broom to the party? Because he heard it was a ‘swashbuckling’ good time!

Avast, ye mateys! Did ye know that the pirate’s favorite basketball team is the Golden State Plankers?

Arrr, ye landlubbers! Did ye hear about the pirate who loved cooking? He always said, ‘It’s a pirate’s life for fry!’

Why did the pirate start a hair salon? He wanted to give everyone a ‘sea-worthy’ haircut!

Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Did ye hear about the pirate who loved yoga? All his poses were ‘Treasure Chest Openers’!

Arrr, ye mateys! Ye know why the pirate never becomes an artist? Because he can never draw a ‘straight-arrr’ line!

Why did the pirate become a DJ? He loved arrranging a good party!

Avast, ye lubbers! Did ye know that the pirate’s favorite ice cream flavor is ‘treasure chestnut’?

Arrr, ye scallywags! Ye better be careful around a pirate chef, they might ‘stab-board’ you with a spatula!

Why did the pirate become a gardener? He loved planting ‘arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’chids!

Avast, ye mateys! Did ye hear about the pirate who loved playing hide and seek? He always said, ‘I’m a master at ‘arrrgh’-eology’!

Arrr, ye landlubbers! Did ye know that pirates invented texting? That’s why they’re so good with ’emoticons’!

Why did the pirate open a bakery? He had a flaky past and wanted to ‘turnover’ a new leaf!

Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Did ye hear about the pirate who loved art? His favorite style was ‘seascapes’!