Funny Money Quotes

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a yacht big enough to sail right up to it.

I asked my bank if they could perform a comedy routine, but they said their business model doesn’t allow for many laughs.

I don’t mind spending money, as long as it’s someone else’s.

Money talks, but mine just says goodbye.

The best things in life are free, but the really good things cost a whole lot of money.

I used to be a cashew, but then I found my true calling as a penny-pincher.

I may not have much money, but I’m rich in witty comebacks.

Why does money smell so good? Because it’s scents-ational!

I thought about investing in stocks, but then I realized I prefer a good bowl of chicken noodle soup.

The only thing ‘high risk’ about me is my love for shopping spree.

The problem with money is that it never seems to be as funny as it is in a comedy sketch.

Why did the coin go to therapy? It had too many issues with change.

I think money is like sea waves: it comes and goes, and sometimes it leaves you all wet.

I’m not saying I’m cheap, but I just invented DIY reusable toilet paper.

Instead of a piggy bank, I have a porky bank, because why not add some humor to saving money?

Why did the dollar go to the party? To get a little change.

Money may not buy love, but it can definitely rent a fancy car to impress a potential date.

Funny Money Quotes part 2

I tried to take a banknote to the gym, but it kept making excuses not to work out.

What do you call a pile of money that’s also a great dancer? Cha-Ching!

I found a fiver in the street today. I thought, ‘Well, this changes everything… I can buy two coffees now!’

I told my wallet it needed to lose weight, and it responded by giving me a blank stare.

My credit card company called to ask where I’ve been. I told them, ‘Enjoying life on the ‘pay later’ plan!’

Money can’t buy love, but it can buy a pretty convincing illusion of it.

I saw a $100 bill floating in the air today. I guess that’s what they mean when they say money doesn’t grow on trees.

I tried to make a coin laugh, but it was too cents-itive.

I asked my boss for a raise and he told me, ‘Money doesn’t grow on trees.’ I replied, ‘Well then, I guess I’m in the wrong line of work!’

Why did the dollar go to school? To get its cents of education.

Money may not buy happiness, but it sure can buy me a chocolate bar, and that’s close enough.

I’m not saying I’m obsessed with money, but I did name my dog ‘Cashew’.

I tried sending money by email, but the receiver just got stuck in the spam folder.

Why did the quarter run away? It didn’t want to be a part of the change!

I refuse to spend money on therapy when I can get the same amount of relief from shopping.

I’m not saying I’m bad with money, but I can turn a $20 bill into a receipt faster than anyone I know.

I found a banknote in my pocket and felt like a winner… until I realized it was from a different country.

They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy ice cream, and that’s pretty close.

Why did the dollar bill go to the doctor? It felt a bit defaced.

I used to have a fear of change, but then I realized it was also my ticket to buying snacks from the vending machine.

Money can’t buy love, but it can definitely rent it for a while.

I’m not saying I’m addicted to money, but I did install a cash register sound as my phone’s text notification.

I had a dream that I won the lottery, and then I woke up and realized it was just my imagination playing tricks on my wallet.

They say money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy a lot of cats… and that’s pretty close.

I tried to make a joke about money, but it just turned into a currency exchange.

Money may not buy happiness, but it can buy me a ticket to a comedy show, and that’s close enough.

Why did the bank note go to therapy? It needed some change management.

Being rich doesn’t make you happy, but it sure does make a dark chocolate bar taste better.