I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.
Don’t grow up, it’s a trap.
When nothing goes right, go left.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth!
My brain has too many tabs open.
I followed my heart, it led me to the fridge.
I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a first-name basis with the floor.
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small glass of wine.
If life gives you lemons, add vodka.
Do not disturb: I’m disturbed enough already.
I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!
I’m great in bed. I can sleep for hours.
I may be a genius, but I can’t figure out how to put socks on faster.
No, I’m not a snack, I’m the whole meal!
Don’t worry, beach happy.
I don’t sweat, I sparkle.
I don’t make mistakes, I just date them.
I’m not old, I’m vintage.
If you think I’m crazy, you should meet my imaginary friend.
I’m not weird, I’m a limited edition.
Find your tribe. Love them hard.
I’m not lazy, I’m just incredibly motivated to do nothing.
Stressed, blessed, and coffee obsessed.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy ice cream, which is pretty much the same thing.
It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit anymore.
The only thing getting lit this weekend is my pumpkin spice candle.
I’m not a princess, I don’t need saving. I’m the queen, I got this.
I always carry a spare mask. You never know when a superhero might need one.
I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.
I don’t need a personal trainer, I need someone to follow me around and slap the unhealthy food out of my hand.
Do I run? Yes. Out of money, patience, and ideas.
Fries before guys. Always.
I’ve got 99 problems, and they can all be solved with chocolate.
Too rad to be sad.
I yoga because punching people is frowned upon.
I don’t need a prince charming, I’m a queen and I can save myself.
I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.
Life is short. Buy the shoes, eat the cake, take the trip.
I’m like a kid in a candy store, except I’m an adult and it’s a wine shop.
If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.
I’m in a committed relationship with pizza.
I’m not clumsy, I’m just testing gravity.
Caffeine and sarcasm: my two deadliest weapons.
Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.
I don’t need a therapist, I have a dog.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.
Warning: going to bed early makes you wake up feeling like a superhero.
I’m allergic to mornings. Coffee is my medicine.
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