Funny Christmas Card Sayings to Bring a Smile this Holiday Season

Santa knows when you’ve been bad or good, so just be good for goodness sake… or else!

Forget the presents, I just want to eat all of the Christmas cookies!

Christmas is like a snowflake, beautiful and fleeting… unless it’s a blizzard, then it’s just cold and annoying.

This Christmas, let’s trade in the sleigh for a cruise ship and head to the Bahamas!

If being on the naughty list means more presents, then sign me up!

Dear Santa, I can explain…

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring… except for me, I can’t sleep!

This year, I’m giving everyone a ‘get out of fruitcake free’ card. You’re welcome.

Rudolph’s nose isn’t the only thing that’s red after a few too many eggnogs…

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas… or at least a white wine Christmas.

Who needs elves when I have Amazon Prime?

Eat, drink, and be merry… for tomorrow we diet!

Christmas calories don’t count, right?

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year… well, most of the year… okay, some of the year… forget it, I’ll buy my own presents.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way… unless you’re the one wearing the bells, then it’s just annoying.

This year, let’s put the ‘jing’ in ‘jingling’ and have a rocking Christmas!

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is by singing loud for all to hear… or by giving everyone a gift card.

Dear Santa, define ‘nice’.

I’m sorry I forgot to get you a present, but I did remember to write this card. That counts, right?

May your Christmas be as bright as Rudolph’s nose and your New Year as sparkly as fireworks.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year… unless you’re a parking attendant at the mall.

Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle!

Christmas is the season for giving… my credit card a workout.

Wishing you all the joy and magic of the season, minus the stress and weight gain.

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year… well, good at being sarcastic, anyway.

Tis the season to be jolly… and eat all the candy canes before someone realizes they’re just for decoration.

It’s not too late to be on the nice list… but it’s definitely too late to start shopping.

I’m just here for the food and the presents… in that order.

May your Christmas be as lit as the holiday decorations in your neighbor’s yard.

Is it just me, or is the ‘ho ho ho’ on every Christmas card starting to sound a little threatening?

Dear Santa, I can explain… but first, can you remind me what I did wrong?

May your Christmas be filled with joy, love, and a never-ending supply of batteries for all those toys.

Christmas is a time for joy and spreading goodwill… and strategically re-gifting those not-so-great presents.

Wishing you a Christmas full of laughter, love, and way too much hot cocoa.

Roses are red, violets are blue, this Christmas card is funny… just like you!

Silent night, holy night… unless you’re trying to assemble a dollhouse at 3 am.

This Christmas, may your credit card be maxed out and your heart be full of holiday spirit.

Dear Santa, I left cookies and milk for you… but did you really drink all the milk?!

Jingle all the way… to the buffet table!

May your Christmas be as merry and bright as a tree covered in glitter and tinsel… and as sturdy as that one time Dad forgot to secure the angel on top.

My favorite part of Christmas is all the awkward family photos.

Some people are like snowflakes, delicate and beautiful… I am more like the slushy, messy kind of snow.

Christmas is a magical time… when everyone gets to pretend they like fruitcake.

Dear Santa, this year I promise to be good… mostly… sometimes… well, at least around you.

May your holiday season be filled with love, laughter, and mistletoe kisses… but only if you’re comfortable with that level of physical intimacy.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way… unless you have a toddler, then it’s more like ‘Run, run, run away!’

Christmas is all about family, friends, and pretending to like the gifts you receive.

This Christmas, let’s remember the true meaning of the holiday… presents!

Dear Santa, I’ve been nice(ish). How about we call it a draw and I still get presents?

May your Christmas be as bright and colorful as the ugly Christmas sweater you’ll inevitably receive.