Bob Uecker Quotes

I must be the oldest player in baseball. I was always the youngest until now.

Baseball hasn’t been the same since I quit trying to steal home.

You know you’re getting old when you can’t get on a roller coaster because of a blood pressure test.

The highlight of my baseball career was pitching a no-hitter. Unfortunately, I was on the other team.

I once hit a ball so hard, I knocked the stitches off of it. The umpire called it a foul ball.

I didn’t make it to the Hall of Fame, but I did have a Hall of Fame mustache.

I have a face for radio, a voice for silent movies, and a body for a suit of armor.

They say laughter is the best medicine. Well, I’m the doctor of comedy then.

I once played an entire game with my fly unzipped. My teammates called it ‘Bob’s grand slam’.

My golf swing is like a free-spirit – you never know where it’s going to end up.

I may have been a mediocre player, but I was an All-Star in self-deprecating humor.

They say I have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies, but I guess I’m a comedic anomaly.

I always rooted for the underdogs because, well, I was one of them.

If it weren’t for baseball, I’d probably be the world’s best fantasy baseball commentator.

I was a catcher in baseball, but my real calling was catching the attention of the audience with my jokes.

They say records are meant to be broken. Well, my record for most foul balls caught will stand the test of time.

I once struck out four times in a game, but I redeemed myself by striking out five in the next game.

I never hit many home runs, but I did hit a few out of the park once they stopped rolling.

I may have never won a World Series, but I did win the hearts and laughter of my fans.

I always aimed to be the funniest guy in the ballpark. I might not have made it, but I tried.

When it comes to interviews, I’m the master of avoiding questions like a seasoned politician.

They say ‘Bob Uecker is a man with a million stories’. And they’re all true, but don’t ask for the details.

I’ve been called the ‘voice of the Milwaukee Brewers’, but I prefer ‘the voice that makes people laugh in between innings’.

I once pitched a perfect game in my dreams. Too bad I was awake during the actual game.

I once played in a charity game where fans were allowed to steal bases. Believe it or not, I still got thrown out.

If they made a movie about my baseball career, it would be a comedy, not a sports drama.

I once asked the umpire if he had a brother, and if he did, was he a better umpire than him?

They say a good broadcaster brings excitement to the game. Well, I brought excitement to the bathroom breaks.

I once caught a ball bare-handed. Unfortunately, it was a hot dog thrown from the stands.

I may not have made it to Cooperstown, but I did make it onto a lot of blooper reels.

They call me ‘Mr. Baseball’, but I prefer ‘Mr. Jokes-and-Stories-Between-Plays’.

I always wanted to be a professional golfer, but then I remembered that I can’t even find the ball after I hit it.

If there was an award for ‘worst bunter in baseball history’, I’d have it named after me.

I never had the best batting average, but I always had the highest laugh average.

I once hit a foul ball so hard, it flew into the dugout and knocked out three coaches. They called it ‘Bob’s power swing’.

I may not have had the skills of Babe Ruth, but at least I had the wit of Groucho Marx.

I once played a game drunk, and surprisingly, it was the best game of my career. Maybe I should have drank more often.

I once tripped over second base while running to third. Let’s just say it was a ‘Bob Uecker special’.

I always had a great relationship with the umpires. They knew I was just joking when I called them blind.

I once played a game with my uniform on backward. I thought it was a new fashion trend.

They say ‘practice makes perfect’. Well, I must be the most perfect at making mistakes, then.

I once hit a line drive so hard, it broke the sound barrier. Unfortunately, it didn’t make it past the first baseman.

I once got ejected from a game for excessive cheerleading. The umpire said, ‘No one likes a show-off, Bob.’

I never stole bases because I didn’t want to be known as a thief. I preferred to be known as a comedian.

If life is a game, then baseball is the punchline. And I’m the one delivering it with a smirk.

I once played a game with my shoes tied together. The umpire called it a new dance move.

I may not have been a Hall of Fame player, but at least I’m in the Hall of Fame of self-deprecating jokes.

They say baseball is a thinking man’s game. Well, I must have been on another planet during most of my games.

I once hit a ball so high, it got stuck in the clouds. The umpire called it a pop fly.

I always wanted to be the fastest player on the field, but I guess I’ll settle for being the fastest wit.