Bill Hicks Quotes

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration – that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There’s no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we’re the imagination of ourselves.

I think the whole concept of the universe, as Einstein and Newton set it forth, is a fantasy structure for games in which the purpose of the game is to be able to describe the game.

I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes.

Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.

I’m tired of this back-slappin’ Isn’t humanity neat? bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes, okay? That’s all we are.

I don’t believe in conspiracy theories. I’m just presenting documented facts.

If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CDs and burn them.

It’s all about money, not freedom. It’s about a few individuals who control all the resources and make the rules, while the rest of us keep scoring points.

I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.

Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us? The church, the state, everything’s failing us because, um – they’re no longer relevant. We’re supposed to keep evolving.

Bill Hicks Quotes part 2

If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then do me a favor. Go home tonight and take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CDs and burn them. ‘Cause you know what? The musicians who made all that great music that’s enhanced your lives throughout the years? Real fucking high on drugs.

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know, during the Persian Gulf War those intelligence reports would come out: Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons. How do you know that? Uh, well … we looked at the receipts.

I’m for the death penalty. Just shoot ’em in the head and let ’em donate their organs.

The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God’s infinite love. That’s the message we’re brought up with, isn’t it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.

There’s no such thing as a war on drugs. It’s all a sham. It’s all about mind control and control and control.

They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do just as well. You just realize that it’s not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.

The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That’s pretty fucking cruel isn’t it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?

I have one question about the Bible: Why does Jesus have to die for our sins? Why can’t he just forgive us like an all-powerful being would? What’s he trying to pull, the wool?

We need a leader who’s not afraid to say that he smokes marijuana. We need a leader who’s not afraid to say, ‘I thought it was a good idea at the time.’

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit … unnatural?

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, ‘My God! I love everything.’ Yeah, Now, if that isn’t a hazard to our country … how are we gonna justify arms dealing?

The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God’s infinite love. That’s the message we’re brought up with, isn’t it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.

People who hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Chicks dig jerks. But they marry assholes.

My parents are really well-meaning, and I think everyone’s parents are pretty well-meaning. But I think they’re susceptible to the same fear as anyone else, and they don’t want their son’s decision of atheism–their son’s lack of belief and trust in God to bring about their doom!

People go ‘dude, you’re lucky’ you can believe in God because if you believe in God when you die and it turns out that God exists, you go to heaven; but if you believe in God and he doesn’t exist, then you haven’t lost anything, because what’s the point of believing in a life after death when you’re dead? So, again, what have you lost?

They’re talking about AIDS like it’s the bubonic plague. It’s not the bubonic plague. We only wish it was the bubonic plague, because we know how to deal with the bubonic plague! This is a virus! This is like-designed by intelligence. If you really wanna help people – you stop doing the drugs, you fuckers.

The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.

See, I think drugs have done some good things for us. I really do. And if you don’t believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor. Go home tonight and take all your albums, all your tapes, and all your CDs and burn them. ‘Cause you know what, the musicians who made all that great music that’s enhanced your lives throughout the years? Real fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fucking high, they let Ringo sing a few songs.

The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it’s real because that’s how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it’s very brightly colored and it’s very loud and it’s fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, ‘Hey – don’t worry, don’t be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride.’

All governments are liars and murderers.

The Bible is the greatest comedy ever written.

When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.

I left in love, in laughter, in truth and in tears. And I defy you to say you loved me more than I did.

The only way to really be respected as a leader is to be a tyrant.

A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It’s kind of like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on, you know.

How do we know when irrational exuberance has unduly escalated asset values, which then become subject to unexpected and prolonged contractions, as they have in Japan over the past decade?

I don’t kiss ass for free.

Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

You know what’s funny about death? I mean other than absolutely nothing at all? You’d think we could remember finding out we weren’t immortal. It’s one of those things you’d need evidence for, or you’d automatically reject it. I mean, I don’t remember being born, do you? It’s like trying to remember your dreams. Dreams. The other side. Death is like a beautiful girl, with a crown of flowers on her head and your bones in her hands.

People say, What do you mean ‘I don’t believe in God?’ I talk to God every day.’ What are you talking about? Him having a conversation with you? You ever really listen to a conversation one of these Christians has with God? It’s fucking immature! It’s like listening to a conversation a psychotic many might have with a toaster oven. ‘Help me find my car keys.’ ‘Because Jesus helps find car keys.’ I think he starts in the kitchen. ‘Help me find the spatula.’ Because Jesus wants you to cook breakfast. ‘Help me remember the rules of grammar.’ Because Jesus wants you to speak like a fucking English professor. You know, it’s hard listening to a conversation between a guy and a toaster and not think, the guy’s a little fucked up! ‘Help me!’ ‘I’m trying! I’m not a microwave! 4

I don’t worship Satan. I’m not a devil-worshipper; I don’t even regard myself as evil. I just want to do good, to provide something of service to the world. 4

How can you sleep with all these little fuckers runnin’ around worrying your mind? 4

The drug enforcement laws are nothing but a joke. 4

I’m tired of being told I’m part of a secret conspiracy to destroy the American family. 4

I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck. 4

You know the whole black/white, good/evil paradigm is conservative versus liberal, it’s all designed to control and divide us. 50. I don’t know of any drug dealer who wants to sell drugs to kids. That’s an urban myth. But even if that were true, if you wanna help your kids stay off drugs, get them into arts in school. That’s what does it. Not throwing more cops on the street.