You know what’s a funny word? Pumpernickel. It just makes me giggle.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
You know what they say about assuming… it makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’.
In this family, we believe in the three P’s: patience, perseverance, and pizza.
It’s not the size of the wallet that matters, it’s the size of the heart.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a really nice vacation.
Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to sleep on it. And by sleep, I mean take a nap.
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get… unless you read the label.
The key to a successful marriage is laughter and a healthy dose of sarcasm.
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you limes, find someone with tequila.
Don’t take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.
Some people are like clouds, when they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
If you want to be happy, surround yourself with ice cream and good company.
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again… or just find someone else to do it for you.
Don’t worry about what other people think. They’re too busy worrying about what you think of them.
Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life… except for Mondays, those still suck.
Life is a rollercoaster, so you might as well enjoy the ride with your hands in the air.
You can’t always control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it… and what snacks you have on hand.
The only thing better than a good friend is a friend with chocolate.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, I’ll be happy to do it for you.
The best way to deal with stress is to take a deep breath and eat some cake.
I’m not clumsy, I’m just testing gravity… a lot.
Life is too short to wear boring socks.
Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.
The best things in life are not things, they are people… and pizza.
Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Unless you can be a unicorn, then always be a unicorn.
If you can’t find the sunshine, be the sunshine.
Life is like a mirror, smile at it and it smiles back at you… unless it’s one of those funhouse mirrors.
It’s never too late to have a happy childhood… or a second portion of dessert.
There’s no such thing as a bad day, just bad hair days.
Happiness is not a destination, it’s a way of life… and a really good cup of coffee.
Life is a journey, so grab a map and take the scenic route.
The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.
Find joy in the little things, like cookie dough and puppies.
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loud for all to hear… or just bake a lot of cookies.
If life hands you a lemon, squeeze it in someone’s eye… just kidding, make lemonade.
Laughter is the best medicine, so take a double dose and call me in the morning.
If Plan A didn’t work, don’t worry, there are still 25 letters in the alphabet.
Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
If there’s a will, there’s a relative.
Life is tough, but so are you. You’ve got this.
The best kind of sleep is when you wake up feeling like a kid on Christmas morning.
Don’t let the fear of falling keep you from flying.
You can’t make everyone happy, you’re not a pizza.
If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put up with the rain… and find a really good umbrella.
Don’t wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
The only way to do great work is to love what you do… and have a really comfy chair.
Life is short, eat dessert first. Or at least have a slice of pie waiting for you after dinner.
Remember, every day is a gift. That’s why they call it the ‘present’.
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