Ace Ventura Quotes: Hilarious and Memorable Lines from the Iconic Comedy!

Alrighty then!

Like a glove!

If I’m not back in five minutes… wait longer.

Do NOT go in there!

All righty then, your request is not something I can pooh-pooh.

Sorry, darlin’, but I’m not just a detective… I’m also Ace Ventura, pet detective!

Your wish is my command… because I’m ready to party!

I’m a kinda loner, Dottie. A rebel.

I can tell you’ve never seen a man eat a bowl of soup like me before. Wait ’til you see me eating a baked potato.

So, you must be the Monopoly guy…

If I’m not mistaken, we’re in the monkey house.

Nobody delivers justice like Ace Ventura!

Strange things are afoot…

What do you call a boy who doesn’t like girls? An Ace Ventura fan!

Here’s a friendly reminder: LACES OUT!

I’m looking for Ray Finkle… and a clean pair of shorts.

If I’m not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer!

Somebody stop me! Oh, wait. Wrong movie.

I must say, I’m impressed by your dedication to the role of mediocrity.

Excuse me, señor. Perhaps the monsignor can help you. He is inside, with the Pope. The Poop, I mean the Pope.

I can’t do it, captain! I don’t have the power!

I shall call him… Mini Me.

Kinda hot in these rhinos!

This is double-paned soundproof glass. There is no way that neighbor could’ve heard Roger Podacter scream on the way down with that door shut. The scream she heard came from inside the apartment before he was thrown over the balcony and the murderer closed the door before he left. Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Heinz Getwellvet… the animal doctor!

Gee, thanks. It’s swell to be Mr. Super Detective.

You need a vacation, my friend!

I wouldn’t worry about him, guys. He’s just nit-picking.

If I had to do it all over again, I would, my friends. Guaranteed!

I got me a stage 5 clinger.

Is there something I can do for you, creepyface?

Excuse me, gentlemen. I have just one question. Why is it that everybody has to go to the bathroom just when I’m about to crack a case?

Alrighty then. Let’s check out this neighborhood!

If I’m not back in 5 minutes – wait longer.

I won’t make it, captain! I don’t have the power!

Alrighty, then! Let me ass you a question: can you feel it, Captain Compost?

As nature teaches us, if you don’t want to be eaten, stay in your shell.

It’s a lovely room of death (said in a cheerful tone)

To be me. A little guide on penetration.

Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot.

You’ll be hearin’ from my lawyer… Count Chocula!

That was really uncalled for, pal. Really uncalled for!

It’s a sexy mustache, for your love machine.

Shikaka! Shikaka!

Perhaps there’s a tall, thin man with white hair present, pointing a gun at you right now…

I never did play by the rules… and I never lost the game.

I’ll be right back, Your Honor. I must continue to rewind, replay, and rewind again, that strange animal-dog-cat-thingy dance.

Excuse me. I’d like to ‘ass’ you a few questions.

Well, consider yourself… WARNED!

If I’m not back in five minutes… wait longer.