Best Seinfeld Quotes

It’s not a lie if you believe it. – George Costanza

I was in the pool! I was in the pool! – George Costanza

These pretzels are making me thirsty! – Kramer

I don’t trust men in capes. – Elaine Benes

Serenity now! – Frank Costanza

Hello… Newman. – Jerry Seinfeld

You can’t eat the cookie and expect to have the cookie. – Kramer

I don’t have a square to spare! – Elaine Benes

I’m sorry, we have a deal with the pigeons. – George Costanza

I don’t want to be a pirate! – Jerry Seinfeld

The sea was angry that day, my friends. – George Costanza

I’m a great gift giver. Just ask anyone who’s ever received a gift from me. – Elaine Benes

It’s not a lie if you don’t say anything. – Jerry Seinfeld

She’s got everything I’ve always wanted in a woman, except the walking. – George Costanza

You know what I hate most about being unemployed? The lack of respect. – George Costanza

I am speechless. I am without speech. – George Costanza

When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy. – George Costanza

I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham. – George Costanza

You can’t spare a square?! – Elaine Benes

Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it. – George Costanza

Best Seinfeld Quotes part 2

A day without kasha is like a day without sunshine. – Kramer

People don’t turn down money. It’s what separates us from the animals. – Jerry Seinfeld

You’re killing independent George! – George Costanza

I’m disturbed, I’m depressed, I’m inadequate. – George Costanza

I’ve driven women to lesbianism before, but never to a mental institution. – Kramer

The jerk store called, they’re running out of you! – George Costanza

I don’t pop molly, I rock Tom Ford. – Elaine Benes

Are you master of your domain? – Jerry Seinfeld

I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only way to escape life. – Elaine Benes

It’s impossible. It’s like trying to find something in a woman’s handbag. – Jerry Seinfeld

I was a lonely man from out of town. She was a woman who didn’t know what time it was. – George Costanza

You can’t just make me switch phones. I’m not Joe Switch Phones. – George Costanza

I’m not a lesbian. I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian! – Elaine Benes

Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round; the jar is round. They should call it Roundtine! – Kramer

You’re going through life thinking that girls don’t like you because you’re smart. But I’m starting to think that that girls don’t like me because I’m a nerd. – George Costanza

I refuse to enter a battle of the wits with an unarmed man. – Jerry Seinfeld

I’m out there, and I’m lovin’ every minute of it! – Kramer

I’m not a lesbian. I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian! – Elaine Benes

You know how to take the reservation. You just don’t know how to hold the reservation. And that’s really the most important part. – Jerry Seinfeld

They’re real, and they’re spectacular! – Jerry Seinfeld

What’s the deal with ovaltine? It’s neither oval nor is it a tiny tine. – Jerry Seinfeld

I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you’re going to hear about it! – Frank Costanza

Seinfeld, four! – Jerry Seinfeld

I’m a complex man. – George Costanza

That’s a shame, because insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. – Jerry Seinfeld