I love it when things catch on fire. That’s cool!
Life sucks, but in a good way.
If I had a nickel for every time I said ‘huh huh,’ I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.
I’m not a loser, I’m just a really good example of what not to do.
The only thing I understand about math is that 69 is a hilarious number.
I wish everything was made out of nachos. Nacho trees, nacho rivers, nacho toilets.
Be cool, be cool. Uh huh huh.
If stupidity was a superpower, I’d be a superhero.
Is it just me, or does the word ‘duty’ make you giggle too?
Sometimes I wonder if birds get addicted to flying, like people get addicted to crack.
My life goal is to find the perfect combination of laziness and snacks.
I’m not a doctor, but I think my brain might be full of nacho cheese.
I don’t need directions, I just need nachos.
Huh huh, I said ‘duty.’
I’m not a morning person. I’m more of a ‘wake me up when it’s nacho time’ person.
If I had a nickel for every time I thought about nachos, I’d have a lot of nickels.
Why do they call it ‘fast food’ if it takes so long to make?
I don’t always understand what’s going on, but as long as there’s snacks, I’m happy.
I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for important things.
I can’t remember the last time I did something productive. But I can tell you the last time I had nachos!
I may not be the smartest person in the world, but at least I’m not the dumbest. Probably.
I wish life came with a ‘skip intro’ button.
I don’t believe in cleaning. It takes away from valuable snacking time.
I don’t need a therapist, I just need snacks.
I’m not clumsy, I’m just excited about nachos.
Why do they call it ‘working out’ when it doesn’t involve sitting on the couch?
The secret to happiness is a never-ending supply of nachos.
I’m not addicted to TV, I’m just loyal to my favorite shows.
If responsibility were a person, I would probably avoid them.
I’m not a procrastinator, I’m just waiting for the right moment to do nothing.
I have a black belt in snacking.
I don’t understand people who wake up early. What’s the rush? The nachos will still be there later.
I don’t need a ‘To-Do’ list, I need a ‘Don’t Do’ list.
I’m not stubborn, I just refuse to admit when I’m wrong.
The key to success is napping.
I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but at least I’m not the dullest.
I wish life had a ‘rewind’ button, just for those embarrassing moments.
I can’t help it if I have a magnetic attraction to couches and snacks.
If I had a dollar for every time someone called me lazy, I’d probably hire someone to spend it for me.
I may not have all the answers, but I do have a bag of chips.
I’m not weird, I’m just on a permanent nacho high.
I don’t believe in bad days, just days that need more nachos.
I’m not awkward, I’m just too advanced for social norms.
I don’t need a gym membership, I get all my exercise from reaching for the remote.
I’m not a morning person, I’m a night owl with a nacho addiction.
If I had a nickel for every time I spaced out, I’d have enough money to buy more snacks.
I’m not antisocial, I just prefer the company of nachos.
I wish I could hibernate like a bear, but instead of sleep, it would be a nacho-induced food coma.
I don’t need an alarm clock, my stomach’s growling is loud enough to wake the whole neighborhood.
I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for my nacho-eating marathon.
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